Sticks and Stones

Awesome. This would make for a great song. Love the whole idea of this piece. Strong chorus, and truly meaningful words. Normally, I might try to critique each stanza but I don't feel that you need to change anything. Keep it up, 5/5.

-Rolo

I'm sorry I lied
You're not a poet

You are a song writter. The lyrics before me are some of the best work that I have seen on this site. The raw pain displayed before me as I read your "poem" was pulsing off of my screen.

Clearly your song "Sticks and Stones" kills my pome that just happens to have the same title. I give you props for your originality in these lyrics of yours.

I can feel it coming around again
I can feel it shutting me off again
I can feel it pushing me to my knees
I can feel it coming around again

Can't you feel, can't you know, what it is like
To be here?

These sticks and stones
They break my bones
They break my world
These sticks and stones
Shatter and drown
Shatter the world

I can feel it this time before it comes
I can feel it cutting me from my lungs
^I think you might want to add "up" in between "me" and "from". I think it makes a rather significant difference.
I can stop it before it takes the plunge
I can feel it this time before it comes

You can't stop me this time you know you're wrong
I can stop faking that you are strong
Since I've started now it just won't be long
You can't stop me this time you know you're wrong

I can feel it coming around again
This time it is ripping me from my friends
If it doesn't stop there will be bloodshed
Cause I will stop it coming around again

Can't you stop, can't let go, what it's like
To be here

These sticks and stones
They break my bones
They break my world
These sticks and stones
Shatter and drown
Shatter the world

Shatter it
Shatter you
Sweep you up
Clean the room
Nondescript
Has lead you here
Shattered up
Crystal clear

These sticks and stones
They break my bones
They break my world
These sticks and stones
Shatter and drown
Shatter the world
Shatter it, you shattered it
Shatter it, you shattered it

Your chorus' seem to get more and more amazing as I go down the list. The grace and elegance you write through these is beautiful, and the way you write is just amazing. You have talent. :] I can't wait to read more, and the funny thing is, I'm not normally interested in Lyrics at all if there's no music to go along. But yours are definitely the exception.

A very good poem... It kind of creeps me out...
You have a very powerful write... You seem to draw a climax out of the repetition... You also have a great wording...

"Shattered up
Crystal clear"

*Absolutely breathtaking...

I would also say this might have a hidden message... A quite deep hidden message...

:)

*keep on*
isabel