So I say,
I want to lie on this bed.
& watch you draw the dotted lines.
You ask me what I want you to do.
"All of it?"
I nod, now get to it I say.
I don't want to be numbed too much.
I want to be able to see,
my transformation.
So rip my sides apart,
& stitch them back together,
with something new.
Make it all clear,
so this makes sense.
Then my head can be at rest,
my heart is stop its bleeding for this,
please I pray,
make this the right thing for me.
"why these lines?"
"I want to be able to smile forever"
So you cut along those lines,
around the edges of my mouth.
It hurts but I know...
Pain won't show in a smile.
Rip my sides apart,
refill my body parts
and correct the mistakes,
god has made for me.
So many tears shred for this wish,
Being locked, strained and trapped.
I am now freeing my chains.
the mirror won't lie to me no more,
right back into my face,
over and over like it does...
Everyday.
This can be at ease.
Rip my sides apart,
Sew the scars better,
& make sure it don't hurt.
Pain will end here, in this area.
Change me please.
I realize,
this is all just an illusion
and realize...
That I'm still here,
in this body,
In this trapped form,
Chained down forever.
Until I rip my sides apart.
Or so help me, cut the sides of my mouth.
So at least then the pain can't show.
