"I felt my breathe shake"
`breath.

"But at the edge of time
The sound of seconds
Is enough to deafen
And at the edge of the world
The light of the sun
Shines down on everyone
And I won't let you fade"
`I'll be honest, I dont like the transition from 4 to 7 lines here.. it doesnt help the flow one bit. It kind of messes it up to be honest with ya.

"The sky darkens
The stars flicker overhead
Eyes and shadows
Make me lie awake in bed"
`Great description, sorta vivid.

"But at the edge of time
The sound of seconds
Is enough to deafen
And at the edge of the world
The light of the sun
Shines down on everyone
And I won't let you fade"
`I dont really like the repetitiveness. :/ I dont really think you need to repeat this stanza, plus it just messes the flow up more cause you started out with 4 lines then you put a 7 lined stanza in there.. and it just doesnt flow well.. Sorry.

"And I won't let you fade
And I won't let you fade
And I won't let you fade
Into the background of the day
And I won't let you fade
And I won't let you fade
And I won't let you fade
Your beauty I will save"
`I think we get the idea.. again, too much repetitiveness. Maybe cut out a few "And I Won't let you fade" `s

Last stanza - this is from the beginning of the poem.. again, I would take out a bunch of this repetitiveness in your poem and change it to something that is different, yet holds the same meaning.

Good luck.
4/5.