"Face too torn and garments too old."
[Face too torn, garments too old.]
- This change is definitely not needed and it probably doesn't affect most readers. It's just something that I personally think sounds better. Why I think that? It flows a bit more and I think that 'and' was stated in the line before in the exact same position.

"A tiny cross upon left cheek:"
[A tiny cross upon ____ left cheek:]
- I'd absolutely put something there. Like her/the/he/she/their... so on. Just about anything will fit nicely. Even something like 'solid left cheeks' or something. I think the line just sounds empty and needs more syllables to it, in order for it to flow good.

The rest is written well. I think once you get that one, main line - which to me has a pretty big part in the poem - then it'll sound better and flow a lot better too.

"See these eyes that turn these feet
They are like twins that never meet,"

- I loved these two lines. The beginning didn't really grab my attention. It did enough for me to want to read the poem but not to be like ' i have to absolutely read this poem' and so on. These lines do though. They're like 'WOW, THIS ROCKS'. Lol