Unexplained Connection (collab)

It's a good collab but it didn't rhyme in most parts and the flow was a bit off.... well i don't really care much about those things but the content of the poem.. this stanza is really good...
"Blazing fire, forbidden vision
Burning desire, deep sensation
Hearts aligned, same direction
Magical unexplained connection"
it's full of immense emotions and passion!
good poem =]

Wow, and excellent poem good work you two!!

Blazing fire, forbidden vision
Burning desire, deep sensation
Hearts aligned, same direction
Magical unexplained connection

My favourite stanzam
meaningful and well written.

Great JOb

I thought it was beautiful. I agree that this is your best collab yet. The words flowed together perfectly. You could feel...everything. And I agree that it kind of has an Aladdin/Jasmine feel to it. I was unsure of it at the beginning, but as I read more, I began to fall in love with it a little bit. 5/5

It very good, bold, some places it sounded foced instead of flowing but over all it was very good.

"One leap across a sparkling ocean"
[One leap across sparkling oceans]
- The change not only sounds better and flows better with the rest of the poem but also transforms the line from a simple (yet poetic) line to a line that seems more majestic. Almost as if it's not realistic but in a dream. And, I think the rest of the poem seems majestic in a way.

"Curiosity, impulsive obsession
Liquid molten, love's protection
Meaning unveiled, no interpretation
Crossing borders of secret rejection"
^^ Loved that stanza, it's written beautifully.

This is a very good poem. I enjoy how you two worked together to create such a wonderful piece. It doesn't go off topic/flow at all from transitions of writers (where that would be, I've no clue). You work quite well together. I really liked how you used very little adjectives and words that aren't needed but instead replaced with commas and beautiful combinations of imagery. One thing I might mention is to watch out for too many commas. There are a few places that don't need them, yet have them. It doesn't mess up the flow or anything, there's not that many of them. But, I'd still keep an eye out for that from now on.