Chocolate Covered Tears

What a beautiful little poem! Short, but sweet, just like chocolate. I got a little hungry reading it :D but I managed to survive to write this comment...:

Only ten cents a box,
take your time.
Take my heart,
my chocolate covered tears.

^^ This is a very, very cute way to start the poem. Using 'only' makes it feel like you are desperate to get rid of these tears, these chocolates. I think it is lovely how the first two lines - a normal sales pitch - is combined with the last two lines - emotional and image generating. Love it :)

Sweet, but still sour,
holding one main ingredient.
Take one small bite,
my chocolate covered tears.

^^ Again, this is a very sweet stanza. The third line, where it almost sounds like pleading, is very effective - it sounds as if it is layered with hidden sorrow. Nice work :)

Hold on tightly,
never let go,
[Take yourself away now,]
my chocolate covered tears.

^^ I love the first two lines, but I have a suggestion for the third, which I have added. I changed this, as every other third line starts with 'take', so I thought it would be more suiting. Also, and I know this wasn't the point, but it sounds like people are actually walking on the tears, which confused me a little. But once I understood, it was fine, so only change it if your happy to (that's just a rough idea, by the way, it needs tweaking slighty) :D

Only ten cents a box,
take your time,
take my heart,
my chocolate covered tears.

^^ And a lovely finish, ending with the beginning. I will suggest keeping the punctuation exactly the same as the first verse (I think there was a full stop on the second line). I'm not trying to be picky, but it would look just that bit smarter if it was :)

Overall, an ejoyable read. A very cute, short poem that has a very catchy title and an 'out of the box' concept. I'm going to give this a 5, as it is practically perfect. Well done, keep this up :D

Keep writing,
Emily :)

Wow this is rather sweet, and touching. wonderful work

This is a very cute love poem it would lok great on a card

Unique title.. I have not heard such a title in my life.. chocolate covered tears.. usually you hear the boring cliche ones that are VERY overused.. soo congrats on stepping outside of the box with this one. Nothing but a short and sweet poem.. loved the idea of the chocolate tears and how you expanded very nicely with that idea..and made the poem just as sweet as chocolate itself.

Well done.

5/5

This poem is sweet but you have phase it in a sad way. I like the idea of the hidding your tears with the chocolate coat...i can envison your tears being covered by layers over layers of chocolate.It was short it was sweet iand i sure do love this chocolate poetry

Excellent Job
5/5 from me