Falling From Grace

Wow, another very good poem from you. I can feel the emotion oozing from this, a very dark write, well done :D

Vision presents color,
willing ego's to shrink,
filling feeble thoughts,
rendering nature's lies.

^^ An interesting first stanza, willing the reader to continue. Some great imagery here, but 'ego's' doesn't need an apostrophe ('egos'). Also, I noticed that te first and thrid line don't rhyme here as they do in the other stanzas - it works as a developing-through-the-poem rhyme scheme, but it would sound better if they did rhyme fully :)

Battling dreaded ideas,
forgetting demented souls.
Drinking from the blood of wine,
awaiting completion whole.

^^ This suddenly gets darker, and I didn't think it could! I love the third line, and the fourth line is very well written. No criticsm here - this is perfect.

Pertaining to your mind,
valuable thoughts do not exist.
Shadowing memories
scratch at your wrist.

^^ I like the last line, with the subtle but noticable reference to cutting. This stanza has the best flow and rhyme, but only just, as they all work quite well :D

Falling from grace,
flash buttons scream.
Portraits behold smiles,
of a child unable to dream.

^^ This is a well written stanza, but I don't understand the second line - all the lines have a sense of confusion/mystery but this one doesn't relate brilliantly, but it still fits.

Overall, a very dark piece of work you have here. It gets a five from me, it's opened my eyes to the more mysterious form of writing. Keep this up, it's very good :)

Keep writing,
Emily :)

I'm not able to comment because it has no meaning, from what I can see. It doesn't make sense.

3/5

Okay wow, literally youve left me absolutely speechless.. I have no words for you really. Your words were so great, and as the poem went on they just got better and better... I'm very impressed with this piece.. you did a flawless job with the flow as well, Ive never read something so smooth before. Well done.
5/5.

Great poem, i like how the words flow smoothly. nice desciption, really a wonderful piece

Great poem, i like how the words flow smoothly. nice desciption, really a wonderful piece