Snow

by Krathia   Jan 1, 2009


She bent down
and tipped a kiss to my cold lips,
before standing up and vanishing into the blizzard.
And I lay there, unmoving, unthinking...

The silver light of morn
against her silhouette;
it was a cold light,
a cold light that blinded me.

I held her,
trapped in the unmoving moment,
staring at her
eyes and her smile --
those eyes were so sad,
and my entire world swirled within them,
forsaken and forever lost.
I'd give anything
-- to return to that moment
-- to hold her again
and to wander in her silver eyes

My Oracle of snow

She walked away, yes
walked away into the morning light
into the blizzard
until I could see her no more...
and I lay there, unmoving,
for she had returned to me my heart
and my soul.

All my life, I'd longed to see her again
and see her I did.
What is left to be said
except that I loved her still?

Those eyes
that looked at me with such
sorrow and regret,
but also forgiveness, as if telling me
that it'd be okay, no matter
what happened from now on,
that it was only that single moment that mattered,
the single meaningful moment in our entire lives...

Intoxicated by the cold,
I swung with her,
danced with her,
to the music of the falling snow,
until there was nothing left of me,
except a soul that soared
with Arctic winds
and a heart that sang, that bled
for a frozen love.

I'd found her
at last.

----
Very raw material. Please leave a comment if you have the time.

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  • 15 years ago

    by VYXSIN

    This poem is beautiful!.
    Everything about it, in my opinion this poem is flawless.
    I love it.
    *speechless*

  • 15 years ago

    by Cyber Saiyan

    First Stanza:

    In the second line, I don't like the word TIPPED. It just doesn't seem to fit with kissing someone. You can blow a kiss, give a kiss, get a kiss, want a kiss, but I have never heard the phrase TIPPED a kiss. I would also remove the word AND from the last line. AND helps to join the new line with the old one, but they are two separate thoughts.

    Second Stanza:

    I really like the meaning of the first line, but I imagine the first crack of light in the morning as a golden or orange ray, not a silver one. I would change SILVER to a more realistic color. I did like that you repeated the COLD LIGHT part in this part. It helped me to focus on that part.

    Third Stanza:

    Everything is great until the forth line. EYES AND HER SMILE doesn't sound right to me. Maybe because they are two nouns back to back without any type of action or joining word. Reading over it a few times, I would back up one line and change the line LOOKING AT HER to read STARING AT, and then start the next line HER EYES AND HER SMILE. STARING is a more powerful word than LOOKING and it flows better into the next line. In the fifth line, I would start a new line after the words SO SAD. FORSAKEN AND FOREVER LOST was a very powerful line to me here. It refocused my attention to the lines. The next four lines are good, but you used the word TO alot. Maybe you could try TO RELIVE THAT MOMENT instead of TO RETURN TO. AND HOLD HER AGAIN could replace TO HOLD HER AGAIN as well.

    Fourth Stanza:

    This was my favorite stanza. It was GREAT except for the last two lines. I would remove FOR from the second to last line. This line also reads funny because the subject MY HEART is at the end. I would reword it like this: SHE HAD RETURNED MY HEART TO ME.

    Fifth Stanza:

    I would removed THERE from the third line as it reads great without it. I would also change LOVED to LOVE. I assume that you still love her, and using the past tense of the word (LOVED) means that you used to love her, but now you don't.

    Final Stanza:

    I really love this stanza as well. Words like INTOXICATED, FROZEN, and SOARED are really powerful and added alot of meaning to the poem. I love the MUSIC OF THE FALLING SNOW line too.

    Overall, this is a great start to a poem, but I think another read through out help out alot.

    Best wishes and keep writing.

    I didnt leave a rating because i think you should look back through the poem before I rate it. Its about a 4.4 right now, but has the potential for a higher rating.

    * IF you find my comments helpful, please feel free to PRAISE them.

  • 15 years ago

    by Faithless

    I like the poem eventhough it was written in a free verse concept. I can feel the emotion that runs through the whole poem of how you long to see her again and wanting to seize that moment and never let it go.
    I think it's fine to leave it like this if you really intend to make this poem in a free verse format.

  • 15 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    Ifound this well written fre verse poem to be penned in very good taste. though it left much to the readers imaginate I believe it added to the mystery and The overall theme

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