Bottle It Up

by StarGirl   Jan 4, 2009


Bottle It Up

Bottle it up, till you cry
Don't let him see, lest you di-
Diet pills down my throat
Swallow first incase you choke
On bitter memories of years gone up in smoke.

I can't be pretty and I can't be thin
I've never been able to just fit in.
So let your eyes glaze over as I lie
and sell what I have so you will buy
me off piece by peace. It's ok I'm just meat.

So bottle it up, take it from me.
Why buy the milk when you can get the cow for free?

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    The style is very original and I believe I get your point

  • 15 years ago

    by Lonely Rider

    I liked the concept and your ideas... specially the metaphors you have tried to use... a very good attemp to portray your emotion... specially the idea of emotions being bottled up... the title is interesting ...
    but you could restructure it ... remove some unwanted filler words ...
    overall a wonderful attempt :)
    keep writing...

  • 15 years ago

    by jescelle

    I think ur style was sketchy... and it fit perfectly with the emotion u were trying to express. the way it flowed it certain areas was perfect, b/c i believe that your making it flow was a direct representation of your whole-full knwledge of your feelings in those lines and stanzas. then,with those that didnt flow, it caught my attention. and that was great b/c just when my attention was truely needed for what you were about to express, you threw the flow off... some may think that u need to touch it up, i say leave it alone. you wrote it when you felt it, and poetry is at its purest and most toxic when the only way to rid urself of those emotions is to write it down. 5/5! comment some of mine? thanx! good work

  • 15 years ago

    by Faithless

    Ok you have written a metaphoric poem which the readers can interprete in different way. From my point of view i see that the protagonist...Just wants to be love... but as hse is not attractive, she sells herself as a hooker to feel love at the end of it u end it with...

    Why buy the milk when you can get the cow for free?

    ^^^ this could be interpreted as why pay for the hooker whereas you can make the hooker ur girlfriend and made love for free

    A few thing to take note...

    Don't let hem see, lest you di-

    ^^I 'm not too sure if you wrote this on purpose but i think u meant to say 'them instead of 'hem' and die instead of 'di-'
    coz that doesn't really make sense

    me off piece by peace. It's ok I'm just meat.

    ^^ I think u meant 'piece' instead of 'peace'??

    Well overall i think the poem is great i like the metaphors that you used. I just hope that i'm not too far off from what you meant the poem to be. Well apart from the things that i have listed, i think you have penned down a excellent job5/5

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