My Heart was Sold

by PygmyPuff   Jan 8, 2009


The moment I saw you my heart was sold,
Put up on a block, auctioned to the highest bidder;
Taken from the warmth within my body,
And gone to a land unknown.
Sent from the bloody happiness near my soul
To join you and fulfill your wishes.

The moment I saw you my heart was sold,
And I'm sure I am too short to buy it back;
Unable to take what belongs to me.
Denied what was once mine to give,
Its yours to keep, so take care of it.
There's nothing left I can do.

    report violation
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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Teria

    I must say that I'm not too fond of this poem. Here's why: The lines seem too long for the actual poem. I believe if you shorten the lines (make one line two lines) then you will have a longer poem, but it will flow better. It's all like a run on, and it needs to be broken up! Anoher reason: I think that it lacks emotion in ways. Well, not completely it's more like a lack of STRONG emotion. That usually does go along with the flow of things, I'm sure if you broke the poem up to longer lines that it wouldn't seem as bland. Also, a few of your words are repeated closely together. The main one was toward the end. Within two lines you have 'back'. And, it sticks out too much. I'd change that.

    I do think that with a few changs you'll have an okay poem. As of now it's fair, but if you take my suggestions to thought and maybe change a few things you could have a good poem.

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