Lingering Moments (Licentia Rhyme)

What an interesting choice of a rhyme scheme. It had me counting to 11 so many times I had a headache!

I could really feel the emotion of someone falling in love when reading this poem.
At first, the "Im caught" feeling, where everything is sweet and cute. Then the
"Defensive Walls Lowering" stage where you let down your guard and see what happens.
Then the "True Love" feeling where you realize that it is the real deal. I may have read into the poem too much, but it was interesting to see in words the emotions you feel when you fall in love.

There were a few spots where the syllable count overpowered the sentence structure. Example: the 5th sentence is missing the word YOU at the beginning. This really did not affect the overall poem though.

The word choice as good; not too basic but not too exotic either. It had a good mix of common rhymes and not-too-common words as well. The meaning was well defined and the flow was great.

Good job.

Wow this is a brilliant attempt at a Licentia rhyme =]
Your flow was great and your rhyming was consistant throughout each verse! I really enjoyed this piece so even if there were any small errors they just went over my head, I think it is a very talented write with a strong content. 5/5

I have not read many Licentia Rhymes, I do like this format and feel that you did very well with it. The repentition was effective in delivering the passion in this poem

I love the message of this poem. It appeals to a lot of people and that is what I love about this poem.

plus the meaning is really personal.

great job getting your point across.

"Each passing day these feelings grow more intense"
- Since you're not going into detail on what 'these' feelings are right then and there, though they're instilled through-out the poem, I suggest changing it to 'the'. It doesn't mess with the syllable count or anything. And, to me it sounds better as well as is better grammatically.

"Mean more to me than words could ever describe"
- I don't like this line. I think because it's not telling what means more to you. Even though I'm kind of sure what it is, it's just not right for the poem. Maybe try something like;
[You mean more than the words could ever describe]
It still has 11 syllables and goes into detail.

"Caught hook line and sinker, fallen for your charms
Sweet lingering moments spent within your arms"
- Very nice lines to repeat, you did a swell job with picking these out! (:

"Everything I like would take to long to write"
- One thing you must remember deals with 'to long to'. When writing something that refers to time and you're wanting to emphasize time that takes TOO long. Then there is a double 'oo'. That goes with anything that needs extra. Like "Too long to write" "Too many people dying" "Too little time", so on.

"That beautiful smile, eyes colour of caffeine"
- I love how you compared eyes to caffeine, well done. Very well done.

NOTE: pass and last do not rhyme. BUT, they sound okay together? Pass and Lass rhyme. Past and Last rhyme, but not pass and last. Know that because you do need to rhyme correctly at certain times.

"Nothing I've felt in the past can be compared"
[Nothing I've felt in the past could be compared]
- You're not actually comparing it, so it should be could. Coulda, shoulda, woulda. Doesn't mess up the syllable count either, so it's good to go.

REMEMBER: If you decide to take any of my suggestions and use them to go through the poem and make sure lines aren't repeated the same or anything. I don't think there were many, but there were a few that repeated through-out. You can't make a change to one and not the other(s).

This is a well written poem. I find syllable count so easy to do MOST OF THE TIME. When it's 11 syllables every single freaking line it messes me up. But something like 5-7-5 or 14-16 for 3 lines doesn't do so. But, the same everytime does do that to me. So, kudos galore for such a piece. Swell writing throughout, I'm proud of you even though I don't know you, haha.