Clock ticks

by Freedom   Jan 8, 2009


Some people told that we have a lot of courage,a lot of trust to love like this,
Some told our love won't last,but I believed,I believed in our love till the end
And I won't forget that it was enough to hug each other to feel happiness
And I won't forget that feeling stabbing my heart when you were telling 'I love..'
____________________

2006.January,I write my first poems about us,first touches and first nights when I miss you
And first thoughts of how I want to be even a little bit better,to be good enough for you
Because you were like diamond,which built my life from zero
And thank you,thank you for leting me feel that you need me.

Now you bacame someone that shines more than gold,
And yet you are so high,that my arms can't reach
I'm standing here alone,so far from you (...)
But yet still wishing for your warmth,your hug
And every january I'll back to 2006,when started our thing

Days were running,the hugs became stronger,and touch became soften
and that wish to touch your lips,your soft lips became bigger
And your words 'Don't ever let me' (I won't forget that voice..)

Its hard to sleep at nights now. (I'm counting the seconds till the morning comes)
And yet clock ticks so slowly.

------------------------------
Freedom

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Miley

    Its a gd poem nd it shows dat when u love some 1 u would do wat eva u can to stay with the person tro gd nd bad
    its a 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by AnCi

    I like this poem very much! It has a strong message.. and I specially love this line: "Some told our love won't last,but I believed,I believed in our love till the end " It really touched my heart!! 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    Suggestions:
    Okay, to start off.. you need to somehow make this actually look like a poem. Maybe put the first stanza into a stanza, shorten it up so it looks nice. [Sorry, I'm picky!]
    Secondly, make sure that you put spaces between your words and your commas, that becomes very irritating, in my opinion.
    Third, maybe run a quick spell check, I stumbled across a mispelled word;

    "And thank you,thank you for leting me feel that you need me."
    `Leting should be letting

    "Now you bacame someone that shines more than gold,"
    `What a beautiful line youve come up with here. Well done.

    "I'm standing here alone,so far from you (...)"
    `I really dont get the significance behind the (...)?

    What a sad write, I can really feel how this person is so far away and you cant reach them.. you feel so alone.. your emotions are simply written yet clear.

    Interesting format, and structure. I would have liked a flow with this poem though, it's really dull and can seem boring at times without a flow. :/

    Sorry but I have to give you a 4/5.
    Good effort though, hope my suggestions help you.

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