Don't Forget Me

"Don't forget me when I'm gone."

= Not a bad beginning, but a bit.. bland, in my opinion. Spice it up. :)

"If I can't handle it this time,
Please remember when I have shined.
In case I don't make it through,
I'd like it if you could recall I was once true."

= Second line - I think 'shined' should be 'shone', because I believe that if you're referring to something that was shiny, you'd say, "it shined", but when referring to a person, I believe it's 'shone'. The rest of the stanza is pretty good. I'd like to see better vocabulary, though.

"If we don't work out,
Please remember what we were all about.
In case we don't last,
I'd like it if you didn't leave me in the past."

= The second line throws off the flow for me. Possibly because it has twice the syllables as the first line. Work on evening up the lines a bit - it'll help the flow.

"Don't forget me even if I'm just your pawn."

= I like this line. Don't know why, to be honest, but I do. lol. :P

"If you're just using me and this is a sick joke,
Please remember that I spoke.
In case you're just another lie,
I'd like it if you knew I once tried to fly..."

= I think you should take out the word "just"- it's not necessary. Sounds fine without it, and it'll help to make the lines slightly more even. Last line: the "..." at the end isn't necessary. I'd go with just one period, instead of three. Also, I think you could easily add on to this (if you so wish) because it doesn't feel like you were ready to end the piece. I think you should do a part 2. :D

``Briana

I thought this poem had a really good flow and your rhyming was carried through really well. I thought the heading of the piece suited the poem beautifully =] I thought the meaning of your poem was sad but you worded the poem very nicely, great job ^^

Awh.. this is so beautiful yet sad.. made me a little tary.. wahhhh

I think everyone wants to be remembered by those we cross paths with in our lifetime. It is refreshing to see the honesty for once instead without the why's.

I like how you have broken this up with the same desire and yet carry out different situations. You maintain a poetic tone while captivating a realistic image for the reader.

Well done

~~Sher

Don't forget me when I'm gone.

If I can't handle it this time,
Please remember when I have shined.
In case I don't make it through,
I'd like it if you could recall I was once true.
^^ aww..so sad ! : / i think that you wrote your feelings down on paper very beautifully though I like the way you worded the second line in that first stanza it reminds me of when someone finally decides to do something they never thought they were good at and end up making it their passion

Don't forget me when you've moved on.

If we don't work out,
Please remember what we were all about.
In case we don't last,
I'd like it if you didn't leave me in the past.
^^aw..sounds so innocent! youre not being pushy or mean just making a simple request. I loved the mood you set here. I agree with you to even when my relationships don't last i wish that i had an impact on that persons life enough that when they look back they can smile and say wow that was fun instead of feel pain or resentment

Don't forget me even if I'm just your pawn.

If you're just using me and this is a sick joke,
Please remember that I spoke.
In case you're just another lie,
I'd like it if you knew I once tried to fly...
^^wow! great great great ending! honestly that was amazing...so many guys just toy with girls now a days and you came to face that you confronted it and knew it was a possibility you really got the reader on your side by how sweet and heartfelt you worded it...if that guy hurt you i would want to give him a piece of my mind!

great poem! 5/5