I like it, it is like a song to me woth a chourse and everything.
The words are just so sweet, I wish someone said them to me...they're like a dream...:)
I think that I know how you felt when you wrote the poem, I feel that way everytime I see the one I love, so breathless.
5/5 Very well done.
I'll keep reading.
"I will be strong.... I must be strong....
Because with you my love.... I know I belong...."
- Adore these lines. Absolutely amazing.
The poem reminds me of like a broadway play, haha. It could so easily be made into one of those dramatic love plays where everyone in the audience cries plus a few on stage. It just grips the heart and pulls, pulls, pulls. Probably because everyone can relate to the emotional boundries set in the poem. One thing I would suggest though is losing the ellpsis. In a few spots they work (the ... dots ) but not everywhere like that. I know you're looking for suspesion, but that's a given without them. So, they're not needed everywhere, just a few places.
Here's one place they're not needed:
"If you thought I could breathe.... you were wrong...
If only I could be that strong...."
[If you thought I could breathe, you're wrong
If only I could be that strong]
- See? Works better without. At least in my opinion.
Places it works:
"I will be strong.... I must be strong....
Because with you my love.... I know I belong...."
[I will be strong ... I must be strong
Because with you my love I know I belong]
- First line but not second.
"Ive been waiting...
For comfort....
For Solace...."
- It works well here. Very well. (: Ive = I've though, darling.
5/5 Even with the overused ellipsis. I absolutely adore the poem