I just can't take the pain

by Michael D Nalley   Jan 14, 2009


I just can't take the pain
I guess I should explain
They say I can be changed
My personality rearranged

Yet if I had my druthers
I would have had all brothers
My daddy told me son
When all is said and done

Women are out to get you
You've got to think it through
Never listened to my dad
Though now I wish I had

I guess I took a wife
Who ruined my whole life
How else can I explain,
I caused my own pain?

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by coverd in darkness

    Another great poem, I agree with the previous comment to maybe add more it has even more potential to grow than the way it stands or even maybe write a second part. The first stanza does i fantastic job at capturing the readers attention! Keep up the great work.

  • 15 years ago

    by Independence Forever

    I like it, it flowed and had great pacing along with a good choice of words.

    Your Servant:
    D. Johnson.

  • 15 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    "I just can't take the pain
    I guess I should explain
    They say I can be changed
    My personality rearranged"

    ^^ I really like this opening stanza, I find it to be filled with so much emotion and depth, which instantly pulls me right into the piece.

    "Yet if I had my druthers
    I would have had all brothers
    My daddy told me son
    When all is said and done"

    ^^ I like this stanza because of the way you end it on a cliffhander, it creates a mystery leaving the reader to wonder just what he told you, and I can't wait to continue reading.

    "Women are out to get you
    You've got to think it through
    Never listened to my dad
    Though now I wish I had"

    ^^ I find this stanza to be somehow weaker than the rest of the piece, I'm not sure why I just find it not to have as much emotion as the rest of the piece.

    "I guess I took a wife
    Who ruined my whole life
    How else can I explain,
    I caused my own pain?"

    ^^ What a beautiful way to end this piece, filled with melancholy yes but still so beautifully written.

    The only other thing I would change in this piece is to maybe add more to it..you say she ruined your whole life..I think it would make an even better piece if you go into why or how.

    That being said, I really liked this.

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