Wow, a chilling ending to the poem--those last lines were my favorite.
The beginning had lines that were a little weirdly put together, but I can definitely tell that you feel what you are saying, and I think I can relate to it on some levels.
I would suggest trying a poem without rhymes like that--see how you like it. I'd definitely check it out ^_^

Thanks for the comment, by the way!

Toni