Comments : No Real Way

  • 15 years ago

    by Saving Grace

    Wow. Thats really intense. Very emotional and deep. I liked the rhyme scheme and it flowed well. Its a powerful piece, and in my opinion very well written. I give it a 5.

  • 15 years ago

    by xXHunnyGurlXx

    I may not be much at all
    Just take me for who I am
    I'll do my best to fit in
    I'll do the best I can

    ^^These lines were different to the rest of the poem which made it unique and perfect starting lines..

    If there was one thing that I would say
    It would be there is no real way
    To fit in and keep your soul
    You sold it for friends and it turned to coal

    ^^I think on the second line you should add THAT between BE and THERE.
    'It would be that there is no real way.'

    I've been used, broken, burned
    Not this time, now it's my turn
    Screw you all I'm on my own
    I don't need you, I feel better alone

    ^^Really strong emotions used here, well done.
    If there was one thing that I would say
    It would be that there is no real way
    To repair what has been done
    Loneliness is comfort to no-one

    ^^add THAT 2 the line again lol. & i dont know why but your last lines flow is a little off for me.

    Human contact you despise
    They can tell, it's in your eyes
    But a hole you need to fill
    The monster created must be killed

    ^^I think you should change 'But a hole you need to fill' TO 'But this hole you need to fill'

    Then 'the monster created must be killed'
    I think you should add a comma between CREATED and MUST.

    If there was one thing that I would say
    It would be there is no real way
    To live a life with such abuse
    So it ends here, with a noose.

    ^^Again add THAT 2 the line lol.
    Now i am going to add a suggestion..

    On the last line i think you should add 'with this hanging noose' i dont no why but this is what came to me when i red it..

  • 15 years ago

    by Love Panda

    I liked some stanzas more than others, and i thing your wording was perfectly fit together with the structure. nice work.

    IBE
    X

  • 14 years ago

    by Sunshine

    I've been used, broken, burned
    Not this time, now it's my turn
    Screw you all I'm on my own
    I don't need you, I feel better alone

    reminds me of me...this got to me..realy
    i feel speechless for an extent

    5/5..