Sadness and Pain won't Fade Away

So what's going on in your head today?
Have you thought about suicide?
Are you imagining the people you will leave behind?
Are they a few?

My head is filled with questions.
These thoughts that won't let me rest
They bind me to the terror my eyes try to suppress.
I want to bleed, see the blood I'm shedding,
I don't want to die.
I want to know I'm still alive
Can I even feel a touch or am I already dead?

Silently my senses abandon my defenses.
Slowly my heart skips a beat.
The thoughts of the life I knew before,
Take me into an abyss of self hatred.
Making me yearn for the life I've never lived before.

Silently I cry,
I open up my mind.
Try to see the beauty that slowly turns black.
Floating, slowly, intoxicating my soul,
My mind kills the happy emotions that my heart holds.

No one can make my soul take flight.
I can't get rid of these thoughts.
So what if I'm not alive?
Can I just live with that?
I don't want to die.
But right now it seems like the best option.

I'll just close my eyes.
Swallow the tears that won't fall.
I'll escape from this pain that lays its dark blanket over my broken life.