Comments : Probity's Prize.

  • 15 years ago

    by The Prince

    Why don't we get lots of comments like the rest hey? xD
    I don't know why this hasn't even been commented on, God it blew me away! It was fantastic...
    The first stanza was so so striking and bitter, it was brilliant!

    'To dissect the truth behind a wholesome tongue,
    Is to prolong an epiphany --- savory and strong.'

    I loved the imagery in the first line, it reminded me of an operation and the sickening procedure of dissection, bringing back memories of science class :P
    I liked how the rhyme wasnt forced either, assonance works better in so many ways sometimes. 'prolong an epiphany', I don't even know how you came up with that, it's marvellous haha, I get this severe feeling of something being squandered here, love it. I also liked how you repeated this stanza at the end - it makes for a powerful finish, because repetition can be so good when used correctly!
    We all know how truth is the most important factor to our existence and this poem allows us to realise this.

    I don't know if it was your intention but

    'Nestled among dreams and old desires lost,
    Compassionately it fights --- to win at all cost'

    i get an intense feeling of hopelessness here, whilst it remains an optimistic sentiment, the last phrase, I got the image of honesty's war against indecency and lie and how lies thrive and honesty is becoming a lost virtue. Maybe I'm reading too much into this. Why this came second is because it opened my eyes, this comment is really just showing you my first impression of it. And any poem that opens my eyes without blunty reaching out and opening them haha, is a successful one, well done. I'm nominating this because people should read it.