Too Blind (bulimia)

The worst thing I thought could ever happen
Would be to gain a pound
Thought I was in shape
But my shape was round
Looking in the mirror
Just to hate what I see
Could that fat, ugly girl
Really be me
Make-up smeared
Black lines down my face
Not wanting this curse anymore
Yet so afraid to leave it's embrace
It tells me I'm not worth it
Dishonest to me all the time
Says I'm disgusting
Lying to sooth my mind
Look at what I've become
Secrets built up through my years
Trying not to gain any weight
Can't face my biggest fears
Starving to be thin
Can't eat, can't sleep
Just hide in my closet
As I sit there and weep
Work out till I faint
Food being the opponent
Hiding behind the bathroom door
Where now most of my life is spent
Spending hours trying to look passable
Not achieving a single detail
Still hating who I am
Doing nothing but fail
Looking in the mirror
Then shattering it to pieces
The yelling inside my mind
Never seems to ceases
I've trapped myself
In this cell called ED
How could I do this to myself
Why did this happen to me
Crying to relieve the pain
Blood dripping down my hand
How can you relate to me
You'll never fully understand
You thought it was strange
Once so did I
But now I hang my head over my hell
As I sit there and wish to die
Never thought this would happen
Least of all to me
What bulimia was going to do
I was too blind to see...