Hard to hide the pain

I keep going over...
and over in my head...
all the times i spent with you
all the memories i have...
i look at you
i look at her..
and i can't help but cry.
I'm sick
I'm tired
of missing you
but i cant stop..
I've tried...

she says shes glad she got you
before any one else could
but baby someone already had you
before she ever did
i guess no one told her that.
you were someone else's world..
i guess no one told her..
you already had a girl...
i guess I'm not too mad at her...
its you who broke my heart...
I'm just a little jealous still
that what we had
fell apart

I kinda sorta still love you
with my whole entire heart
every little broken piece
with every shattered part..

i kinda want to take it back
everything i ever said
every little dream i told you
everything i ever did

i wanna take back the fighting...
yeah
even the good times
i wanna take back the heartache...
you left me with inside
its kinda hard to forget you though
you're like a scar on my hand...
in fact
your each and every single one...
you ever left me with.

when you left i fell apart
my whole world came crashing down.
everything i ever had
was scattered all around...
you left me empty and alone and cold....
you left me on the ground...
you left me to pick up my self...
with no place sturdy enough to stand..

so i just kept falling
through the cracks
and all broken floors
holding on to nothingness
turning away from open doors
my heart was left so broken
so shattered...
so alone
no one could ever explain
the pain i carried on my own...

all those nights i cried so silently
two years in pain
its been so long since you've been gone...
and i still cry
every now and again
i look at old pictures...
i reread the notes...
the journal that i had for us...
retelling the jokes...
the laughter
and the tears...
the memories of us...
i keep them locked up inside...
trying not to bust...
i try to hold my head up now..
but I'm still not that strong...
i try to pretend I'm doing fine...
but everyone know I'm really not...
they ignore the secret crying..
the constant playing of our song..
they know I'm trying to heal my self...
that I'm trying to move on...
but i cant seem to find a love..
as deep as me and you
and I'm still sitting in the darkness...
still trying to get through.

no one can ever explain
how horrible i feel
on daily constant basis
thinking "this isn't real"
I'm sorry...
i am crying again...
but its hard to hide the pain...
Sorry these tears are still for you
but there is no other way...