This is really i good i can really relate to this. i hadthis battle myself and its still raging on. i like how u identify your weakness and tht u notice tht he is there to make sure ur okay but in my opinion maybe you shoul tell him your struggle and he might be able to help you.

"Once more pounds are chasing me, making me feel so insecure
Don't know how much more self loathing I'm able to endure
Her voice is screaming in my head again, making me so insane
Someone who used to be a friend now treats me with such disdain"

Aaww.. That's sad. And I can completely relate with the whole self loathing and pounds thing. I used to be rally self consious. But you shouldn't be, because life's too short to carewhat other people think...(kind of off topic back to poem)

"On the other side of me there's him, making sure that I'm okay
Trying his utmost best to make sure that I'm not led astray
He doesn't know at night I go to sleep fighting the tears
Constantly anticipating, always waiting for her to appear"

I really like this stanza. Though I didn't quite understand the last line, although I re-read it and I understood it. So it's great!

"Weighing myself each day in secret, he can't know of my addiction
Trying to eat sensibly, hide the fact that I'm riddled with this affliction
He's the best thing that ever happened to me yet she's refusing to leave
And with them on opposite sides of me I'm finding it difficult to breathe"

I absolutely love this! The picture I get in my mind, is like an angel and devil sitting on your shoulder like in movies (weird I know.)

"Know that he's right, and that she's in the wrong, she doesn't care
But she's so much stronger than me, leaving me in despair
And everytime I eat she threatens to leave me with Mia
Whispering, "You must get that physique that we both require"

"Tried so hard to leave her in the past, don't want her in my life
For all she does is put me down and constantly leave me in strife
Someone I used to trust has now become so frightening
She's got a grip on me, her noose is slowly tightening"

I really like the last two lines. More the last line. GReat!! And I like the use of the word "strife."

"Fought hard to ignore cruel words, for I know he'd be so upset
And I don't want to give in to something that I'll later regret
But as I sit and listen to this war raging on, it's Ana vs him
And I no longer have any idea who is going to win "

Great ending to the poem!

All in all the poem is great, theflow, the rhymes! It's excellent! Much like all your poems! Keep it up!<3
5/5

SP

Very touching tale ... I guess you better voice your emotions rather than storing it up in your heart ... i could feel that in your words ...
how badly you want to let out those feelings ... to let someone know that you are not feeling ok ... . each word screams off the frustration and the anguish that you are going through ... beautifully described ... i could see you amidst a tug of war between he and she...

"On the other side of me there's him, making sure that I'm okay
Trying his utmost best to make sure that I'm not led astray"

^^ these lines have joy contained in it ... really glad to know that someone's always there for you ... I could feel love in this verse ...
"But as I sit and listen to this war raging on, it's Ana vs him
And I no longer have any idea who is going to win "
^^ beautifully describes the dilemma you are facing...

What I would suggest is try trimming of some words ... and make the syllable count somewhat equal in each line ...

overall a wonderful read...

"Once more pounds are chasing me, making me feel so insecure
Don't know how much more self loathing I'm able to endure
Her voice is screaming in my head again, making me so insane
Someone who used to be a friend now treats me with such disdain"

It was not until the second stanza that I figured pounds as the personification of a weight problem. The mystery captivated me

"On the other side of me there's him, making sure that I'm okay
Trying his utmost best to make sure that I'm not led astray
He doesn't know at night I go to sleep fighting the tears
Constantly anticipating, always waiting for her to appear"

This is an honest revealing of a secret fear

"Weighing myself each day in secret, he can't know of my addiction
Trying to eat sensibly, hide the fact that I'm riddled with this affliction
He's the best thing that ever happened to me yet she's refusing to leave
And with them on opposite sides of me I'm finding it difficult to breathe"

With yet perfect rhyming you confirm the fear is entering the ream of obsession

"Know that he's right, and that she's in the wrong, she doesn't care
But she's so much stronger than me, leaving me in despair
And everytime I eat she threatens to leave me with Mia
Whispering, "You must get that physique that we both require"

Possibly this line is a compromise, or the hope thereof

"Tried so hard to leave her in the past, don't want her in my life
For all she does is put me down and constantly leave me in strife
Someone I used to trust has now become so frightening
She's got a grip on me, her noose is slowly tightening"

The fear returns if you give in an inch she will take much more

"Fought hard to ignore cruel words, for I know he'd be so upset
And I don't want to give in to something that I'll later regret
But as I sit and listen to this war raging on, it's Ana vs him
And I no longer have any idea who is going to win"

Overall I can relate in these terms as to battling excess weight
I like it

I've read dozens of poems like this one, but this is the first where the author actually accepts that she's not only hurting herself; but also those who love her.
if "he" was to find out, i'm 100% sure he'd be devastated. i really hope in the end, he wins the battle, YOU win the battle.
as for the "criticism", i don't do well picking out stanzas and explaining paragraphs. to be honest though, the flow was kinda off on some parts but then you picked it up. and there's a part where you threw off the rhyme scheme on "Mia" and "required". its not a major thing though, it just sorta threw off the whole rhyming for me.
either way, i thought it was a good write. thought provoking and sad.
i enjoyed reading it!
never stop writing.

-Liz =]

This is another great poem.

The first line revealed a lot about the background of the issue. Starting off with ONCE MORE shows that you have battled with the same issue before. This was a great way to to let the readers know a lot of information with only a few words.

In the second stanza, I didnt like the UTMOST BEST line; I thought I sounded fine without UTMOST. The line just sounded odd to me.

Over the next two stanzas, I was confused about the use of HIM and HER and ME. It took me several times through to pin point that you were feeling divided and personified your feelings. After I figured out that HER was really the feelings in your head, everthing made sense. You may want to add a line or two about HER being the feelings or thoughts in your head.

So after figuring this out, I really loved the rest of the poem. I read it through a few more times and liked it better each time. I love how you gave a personality to emotions or thoughts; and I also likes how you refered to her as a real person. It really added so much to the poem that I read it yet again.

Awesome job; even the title was great.

I loved it

I really enjoy the war going on in this poem. It's incredibly deep and I like the way you show the abuse she is dealing with from within.

I love the line (her noose is slowly tightening) The fact that she is so visciously attacking you.

The fact that it all flows together as well is just amazing.

I don't know if this poem is real or not, but I got a kick out of the fact that you were able to give so much life to the person within and the pounds "chasing" you! Really good read! 5/5

"Once more pounds are chasing me, making me feel so insecure
Don't know how much more self loathing I'm able to endure
Her voice is screaming in my head again, making me so insane
Someone who used to be a friend now treats me with such disdain"
^I love the way in which you wrote the first stanza, because while I had the idea of you speaking of anorexia, it was not concreted until the second stanza (: Also, the flow and rhyme was not forced, but fluid and well written. Pulled me in from jump, and full of emotion.

"On the other side of me there's him, making sure that I'm okay
Trying his utmost best to make sure that I'm not led astray
He doesn't know at night I go to sleep fighting the tears
Constantly anticipating, always waiting for her to appear"
^More fluid and well written rhymes, and a continuance in powerful emotion. I felt the words getting more raw in this stanza, like someone really opening their hearts -- and revealing their fear in this battle they're fighting.

"Weighing myself each day in secret, he can't know of my addiction
Trying to eat sensibly, hide the fact that I'm riddled with this affliction
He's the best thing that ever happened to me yet she's refusing to leave
And with them on opposite sides of me I'm finding it difficult to breathe"
^Strong, and heart-tugging. Though I don't personally know Ana, I think that every girl can find some brand of relatability in this piece, and this stanza really hit home for me. I love the personification, and the acknowledgment that we don't go through this alone, while also representing the inner battle between our conscious and our desires.

"Know that he's right, and that she's in the wrong, she doesn't care
But she's so much stronger than me, leaving me in despair
And everytime I eat she threatens to leave me with Mia
Whispering, "You must get that physique that we both require""
^To me this stanza kind of caved just because the flow and rhyme were not as strong as the rest for me .. however I can still sense the urgency and heart behind it.

"Tried so hard to leave her in the past, don't want her in my life
For all she does is put me down and constantly leave me in strife
Someone I used to trust has now become so frightening
She's got a grip on me, her noose is slowly tightening"
^Again this was not the strongest verse for me, but it holds a lot of truth for people who have gone through this.

"Fought hard to ignore cruel words, for I know he'd be so upset
And I don't want to give in to something that I'll later regret
But as I sit and listen to this war raging on, it's Ana vs him
And I no longer have any idea who is going to win"
^Ah! Ended strongly! I felt the cadence and ease back in this verse. A wonderful, touching, sad and powerful poem. Great job, keep it up!

I absolutley loved it. I liked how your rhyme scheme worked out. I got the feel that she had an eating disorder, and he wants her better? Anyway, beautiful poem. An excellent read. I thoroughly enjoyed it and found no major flaws.

Shit gurl! this reminded me of me. how i would hide my tear my true words from the one person who realie tried to be there for me. wow!! thatz was jsut amazing. i enjoy reading every word. it sure hurts me to read someone is going tho sota the same thing but i guess a lot of ppl are. keep it up truly do.
5/5

TaKe CaRe,
frenchy

This sounds very much like you have a voice inside your head telling you things you don't want to hear yet your boyfriend is fighting to show you that you are perfect the way you are. Am I close?

I like how you wrote this. It flowed very well. I especially loved the last line. It made me very much think of things in my life now and in the past.

You have a great talent and you deserve to be recognized. Keep up the amazing work!

I woke up this morning with this poem actually in my head, and I had to come read it. This disease had such a grip on me for so many years, and I'm finally starting to have normalcy. Somewhat. Inch by inch. Not only did I struggled with anorexia nervosa, I struggled with bulimia along side of that, but not as bad as some people. It's so hard to overcome and the helpless/hopeless feeling at the end is how I felt for so long. Amazing write.