Icicles Formed by Tears.

I loved the title ... thats what captured me... and the contents beautifully complemented the title..

"The sun that once shined your fervent love,
melting away all my tears in an instant, is gone"
^^ loved the imagery here...beautifully penned...

"instead these tears are frozen together,
forming icicles to lie upon my cheeks."
^^
beautiful metaphor used ... it makes the verse very touching ...

"All happiness within has been captured,
leading it astray to another soul in need"

^^ I felt as if happiness has been snatched away from you ... and you are longing for it...

"a pessimist is what I've become. "
^^ loved the ending...

wonderful write..

"The sun that once shined your fervent love,
melting away all my tears in an instant, is gone"
^kind of doesnt make sense in my opinion. "the sun once shining with your fervent love, melting away all my tears in an instant, is now gone." I think that flows better but it could also just be me.

"Now no warmth beams down upon me, "
^you're kinda saying the same thing here. Of course if the sun is not shining then there is no warmth...youre just repeating the same thing.

"instead these tears are frozen together,
forming icicles to lie upon my cheeks."
^ I like the imagery here.

"Bitter cold pinching my skin with pain"
^I love the alliteration with "pinch" and "pain" very poetic.

"an unbearable amount of discomfort."
^you don't need that line. Of course if something is pincing your skin, it brings you discomfort.

"Lost in love with this heart, forlorn,"
^"forlorn heart" sounds better.

"that may never resurface ever again. "
^I dont like this line. "never resurface never again" sounds like filler words that you dont need. You could say the same thing with less words.

The last stanza needs some work. It doesn't flow properly and theres commas where you dont need them and no commas where you do need it. It just ongoing with no organization. Read it over a few times and youll know what to fix. I like the overall meaning behind it but could be written better.

This isnt one of your best. I know you can revise this to be flawless. I'm only being hard on you cause I know what you're capable of. I won't rate it because I dont want to lower your rating.

A truly sad poem. I love how you use contrasts as amplifiers. Deep and emotionel. Well structured and well presented. It is plesant to read and there are no problems with structure or anything like that.

Simply a great sad and deep poem.

This is so saddening, I loved the title. Really gives the reader an idea of what's to come. I got an image of an alone girl standing in a forest with icy tears trickling down her cheeks. The descriptions were very vivid.
I think that 'forlorn heart' may work better, or if not add the comma between heart and forlorn. I also think the last line could do with being reworded, the flow before it is amazing but the last line could be rephrased.
The word 'suddenly' jolts the pace a bit.

It was an excellent read, chilling and morose. I loved it. 5/5

I love how you pinned the icy tears , i done that in one of mine , that proove that this feeling is true.

but as you said tempsy , the sun goes up , and warm us , and then the sun goes down ,and the fiorzen night will catch us again waiting for another morning .

when in the darkenss we never know what lies ahead . waht is tomrow and why are we here.

sometimes friendship is our guidance out from that cave.

i can not tell you times will be better , but i can tell you it will be better than following the sun west . and the sun keep seting you will drain yourself .

lovely piece tempsy , one i can related prefectly to your feelings now.

i walked that mile of yours all my life . and i know how much it si painfull.

jsut know you have frineds to walk it with you .

CJ