18th Birthday Poem - Ania

Overall a wonderful write. The flow was good, but not great in my opinion there was a few spots that can use improvement which I'll spot out later. The structure of the poem was very good. Your choice of words was good, and I liked the imagery through out.

However, I felt that you could of used more puncuation which would have made the poem stronger when read. Puncuation is very important in poetry, it allows the reader to know when to pause or stop as well as strengthing the overall structure and flow of the poem.

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Time flew away towards a never-ending ocean
Thoughts wondered astray through an endless dream
Years went by, each and everyone soaked with an emotion
Your life's melody, notes composing a beautiful theme

^^Excellent start to this poem, draws the reader right in, which is fantastic. I really liked the internal rhyme in this stanza. I just wanted to keep on reading.

The third line I felt could have been shortened a little like this, "Years went by, everyone soaked with emotion" I also beleive this makes the flow slightly better as well.

I would also add puncuation were needed, example:

Time flew away, towards a never-ending ocean...
thoughts wondered astray, through an endless dream;
Years went by, everyone soaked with emotion...
Your life's melody, notes composing a beautiful theme.

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The era of fulfillment blooms during a spring dawn
Summer sets away bearing new experiences and joy
Fall grays the heart and sky, spreading leaves of it's own
School time then starts, soon is the time to enjoy

^^I really like the flow of this, just rolls off of the begining stanza and just keeps flowing freely. So far so good, it is keeping my interest.

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Winter, cold and wet, clouds the once brighten skies
Rain drops crush like a weeping girls tears
This time in winter is when we say our goodbyes
Letting go all of our sadness and fears

^^ The third line I think would sound and make it flow better like this, "This time in winter, we'll say our goodbyes"

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The time has come to find purpose in living
An era filled with dreams, now comes true
The age of growth, care, and giving
A phase symbolizing what you've outgrew

^^Interesting stanza, made me really think about how fast live moves on from childhood to adulthood. Can't wait to continue reading.

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Time has flowed away, reached an infinite sea
In your melody, a change of cords is taking place
Life developed in a way no one can see
Raising you to become full of beauty, joy, and grace

^^The word, "cords" in the second line should be, "chords" since you are talking about music.

Nice ending to an excellent write!!!

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Overall a wonderful write, Keep up the great work!

Peace, Joe

"Time flowed away toward a never-ending ocean
Thoughts wondered astray through an endless dream
Years went by, each and every soaked with an emotion
Your life's melody, notes composing a beautiful theme"

^^ loved the first stanza the most ... its imagery captured me ... beautifully penned...
...toward=towards ... and beautiful metaphors used ...

"The era of fulfillment blooms during a spring dawn
Summer sets away bearing new experiences and joy
Fall grays the heart and sky, spreading leaves of it's own"

^^ again beautiful imagery... loved the nalogy of spring with happiness and good times...and how summer brings new hope ... brilliantly described...

"Winter, cold and wet, clouds the once brighten skies
Rain drops crush like a weeping girls tears
This time in winter is when we say our goodbyes
Letting go all of our sadness and fears"

^^ to say goodbye is very painful ... I loved how you have described your feelings through seasons ... wonderfully penned...

the rest of the stanzas were not so captivating like the first one ... the emotions were all there but somewhere it sounded cliche...

"Life developed in a way no one can see
Raising you to become full of beauty, joy, and grace "
^^ beautiful lines ... but since the first two stanza were having a structured flow and syllable... i found the last one a little off...
well, these are just my point of view :)

Well i cant crituique you quite like the previous person....overall i liked it...it made me think......it could have been a little less wordy but it was good! 5/5