This I Call A Dream, Come True

by CanUKissAwayMyPain   Feb 6, 2009


Tossing and turning.
Nightmares here they come once again.
Throwing me into the shadows.
Leaving me in completely pain.
Freezing from head to toe.
These blankets won't keep the warmth.
Biting my lips. Holding my breath.
Trying to stop the tears from fall down my face.
Thinking of happy thought.
My friends, my family, candy.
Nothing working.
Wanting all this pain to go away for eternity.
My trusty friend always there when I need him.
Cutting into the skin.
Burning all around.
Numbness soon takes over.
Falling asleep forever... with blood all around.
This I call a dream, come true.

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  • 15 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    "Tossing and turning.
    Nightmares here they come once again.
    Throwing me into the shadows.
    Leaving me in completely pain.
    Freezing from head to toe.
    These blankets won't keep the warmth."

    ^^I adore the imagery you created within these opening lines, it creates such vivid pictures in my mind, simutaneously pulling me into the poem.

    "Cutting into the skin.
    Burning all around.
    Numbness soon takes over.
    Falling asleep forever... with blood all around.
    This I call a dream, come true. "

    ^^I liked the ending lines, full of pain and heartache that I can't help but -feel- everything that you're describing.

    I found the flow to be of in a couple places but other than that, I liked this.

  • 15 years ago

    by kelleyana

    Again i this, you'd great idea for your poems, but there are punctuations problems also it needs some polishing. Other than that i love the the whole idea. Well done, kel.

  • 15 years ago

    by Hollymariee

    Leaving me in completely pain.
    This line doesn't make sense love .. Try "leaving me to wallow in pain .. "

    Nothing working.
    Nothing's working .

    I think you should have kept the rhyme scheme you started with .. It was really nice . But otherwise , I like the idea .. It's easy to relate to . Really well done .. 5/5

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