While You're Sleeping

by Jenni Marie   Feb 6, 2009


Sometimes when you're asleep at night
I stay awake just to watch you sleep
Wishing that our love will always last
That what we have is up for keeps

Sometimes when you're not looking
Can't help but sit and silently stare
Wondering how I had the good fortune
To find something so incredibly rare

All the time when you're not near
Constantly visualizing your face
Yearning to be by your side again
Once more back in that sweet embrace

Sometimes when we're lay together
Become overwhelmed with feelings
Wondering how it became possible
For our love to become so appealing

Sometimes when we're talking
Imagine us always staying together
For though it's only been a short time
Already know want us to last forever

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Darien

    "That what we have is up for keeps"
    I think you could use another word to start this line, having that and what side by side is a bit confusing.

    "Wondering how I had the good fortune
    To find something so incredibly rare"

    I love those lines! They were the perfect metaphor and image.

    "Sometimes when we're lay together"
    That line should be either'
    'Sometimes when we lay together'
    or 'Sometimes when we're lying together'

    "Already know want us to last forever"
    The last line didn't make much sense.
    I think you're just missing an 'I' between know and want.

    Overall it was a good poem. You just need to fix the few mistakes and it will be good. Again, I really like the rhymes you had and the flow was good.

    Keep it up!

  • 15 years ago

    by Nikoshiana

    Lovely :O)

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