Wow. This is very deep, and meaningful. I love the repitition (which is needed in a song, silly me!). I imagine this as a slow acoustic piece, but that's just my opinion. I just had to write out exactly how I felt at each point, it's that good (I rarely do this spontaneously!):

Far away, miles apart; Smiles within our hearts.
From a distance shadows appear
cause our love displays our true wish to be near.
Distant "I love yous" I can hear,
weeping internally.

^^ The first line caught and hooked me. The 'smiles within our hearts' metaphor works wonders. The last line is quite a contradiction, the relationship straining, but it doesn't drag the mood down. Well done, this alone is amazing.

Far away, miles apart; Destiny will now chart.
Days, months, years, I'll never depart.
Moonlit nights, bright sunny days,
shine down on me like your sweet gentle smile.
Oh, how I'd do anything.

^^ Such vivid imagery here, I can quite imagine the tune of the song and the images in my mind when hearing/reading it. The last line brings us nicely into the chorus. Wonderful :)

My nose grows cold for you.
I keep a part of you with me,
deep within my heart and soul.
I'd do anything and everything...

^^ Awwww! This is so sugary sweet it should be surrounded by pink frills and flowers! I like the first line, how it is waiting... it's hard to desrcibe, but it is effective. The nose, normally, conjures not too pleasant images, but this works very well. The second and third line, flawless, amazing feeling and emotions here. And the last line, utter devotion. I love it!

Far away, miles apart; Soft tender kisses await.
I hear your voice and all the darkness disappears
for love will always break the chain.
I'm staring upon the moon tonight,
wishing you here with me.

^^ Bringing back what we had in the first stanza in this one is quite effective, and I love the image of tender kisses. The hearing the voice part is so true, banishing darkness back into the shadows, well worded. Cleverly, or by sheer fluke, you have used the moon, which I, personally, like in poems/songs, as it is a common feature that these two people could look upon together, quite possibly at the same time, but not realise it. Love this!

My nose grows cold for you.
I keep a part of you with me,
deep within my heart and soul.
I'd do anything and everything
For you.

^^ And we now know why you would 'do anything and everything'. A nice sense of suspense.

For you
For you
For you
For you
For you
For you
For you

^^ Lovely! I can hear this in my head, and let me tell you, it's beautiful :)

My nose grows cold for you.
I keep a part of you with me,
deep within my heart and soul.
Oh, I'd do anything and everything...

^^ The sense of suspense has been resurrected, which is an effective technique, not only keeping the flow in check but also giving a finale to end on. Well done.

My nose grows cold for you.
I keep a part of you with me,
deep within my heart and soul.
Oh, I'd do anything and everything
Oh, I'd do anything and everything...

^^ Repitition of the stanza, building to the end, with the repitition of what I think is the most important line in the song.

For you
For you
For you
For you

^^ Wonderful :)

Joe, you have a beautiful song here. If this ever gets recorded, please, share it with the world as this is an amazing talent you have here. This is the most emotion filled song have read on this site in quite a while, it's wonderful, truly wonderful. I have no critique for it, I would probably end up ruining it! Well done again :)

Keep writing,
Emily :)

It seems like the flow is a little off at the begining .. Haha but then again I'm not a very musical person . You don't exactly have a rhyme scheme .. But the words have similar sounds so it still sounds pretty when you say it . I like the imagery .. And I think the cold nose thing is just really cute . 5/5 , I really liked it .

I love music, and i think the flow here was amazing. i was actually singing along as i read, beatiful job!

im not a huge fan of "my nose grows cold for you" but i think it helps make this piece original and adds a unique flavor to it.
it was also very adorable.

overall i loved it completely.
keep up the great work =]

I really enjoyed this song, I think its beautiful =]
the opening line to each verse however was very different to what you would normally see in a love song, it's very creative so great job there ^^
Good flow im not sure what the melody would go like but i enjoyed the piece ^^

A truly beautiful song, I love reading songs on here, very unique! I could feel the beat just reading this, and I love the wording, it was all so touching to my heart. 5/5 from me, take care. Keep writing, always and forever.

I can not hear it but i LOVEEE the words. Very very good, so i would love to see what it may sound like, (i like to sing, im in choir class, i like to explore music :) ) and would love to try and sing it, i would hope it would help me help you, if that makes sence lol.

5/5

Joe, it is always good to read a love poem from someone I truely respect and admire. This was yet another amazing piece. I don't think I have read any of your poetry written in song for before, but it still keeps its poetry aspect alive. I don't know the song or artist you were inspired by, but after reading this poem/song I think I need to check it out, just to get an idea what exactly you are trying to create. In my head, I had a few songs and styles coming in and out, and that's why I liked about your poem. It could be read in so many different ways. All giving out the same emotion, a bit of sadness from the opening lines, to the breath of hope in the last.

I know how painful the distance thing could be, but the love always makes it worth carrying on. I get that from this song, and it's definitely something I can relate to.

The only thing I found odd about this poem, was the line;

"My nose grows cold for you."

I just thought it was a weird image to picture.
I would have thought maybe arms or chest of something that needs a girl's body to keep warm. I get it though, but 'nose'? Lol, oh well, it's good stuff though! As always!

It's good to be reading poetry again! Thanks
for this. Keep on writing!

This would be a very beuatiful song with music ... the lyrics are so lovely and romatic ...

"Far away, miles apart; Destiny will now chart.
Days, months, years, I'll never depart."
^^
no matter what destiny has laid down ... nomatter how many days or years pass by ... we never want to part with our love... they stay with us... whether in person or in memory ... I could feel the longing of a lover ... beautiful lines...

Moonlit nights, bright sunny days,
shine down on me like your sweet gentle smile."

^^ each moment whether day or night reminds you of your loved one ... loved the imagery here ... very soft lines...

"cause our love displays our true wish to be near."

^^ this flow of this line sounded a little off...

the repetitions makes the emotions more expressive ... It would be more meautiful with music ...

wonderful write...

First of all... I really wish I could hear this sung with music, but sometimes a good song doesn't need music to have a good rhythm and flow. We'll see.. Haha. :]

Distant "I love you's" I can hear,
-- I love this line, because if I'm being honest with myself, I can really relate to it. I think you worded it just right.. not overdoing it with fancy words, but just wording it.. right? Ha, sorry, I can't really think right now, but it was beautiful.

Oh, how I'd do anything.
-- You can really feel the emotion and longing here, the pain of being away from her.. and how you'd do anything the change that. And for some reason I really liked the "Oh" at the beginning.. lol.

My nose grows cold for you.
-- That's got to mean something.. like some underlying meaning, I just have no idea what it is. But it's kind of cute, and reminds me of winter when you've stayed outside too long and your nose is freezing. lol. I'm so in a weird mood today.

For you
For you
For you
For you
For you
For you
For you
-- I'm really not sure what to think about this.. lol I bet it sounds good when it's sung though. So, I like it, I think.

I keep a part of you with me,
deep within my heart and soul.
Oh, I'd do anything and everything...
-- Ahh, there it is again. Such pain.. but also so much love. It's like you'll love her always, no matter how far apart you both are.

Far away, miles apart
-- I like the repetition of this, because it wasn't overdone, and it really got your point across with reminding the reader that you and your lover are far away from each other. Which just really sucks by the way..

So overall, I thought it was a very good song. It definitely had it's own little rhythm that I could pick up, which made me happy, because I wasn't stopping and pausing at awkward times while reading it. You really love this person that you're writing about.. or either you're really good at faking it.. but I think it's real. :]

Great job, Joe!

Keep writing!
Cayce

These lyrics could stand on their own but a composed melody always add to the words
you have delivered the emotion as well as it could be with the tools you had to work with

"Far away, miles apart; Smiles within our hearts.
From a distance shadows appear
cause our love displays our true wish to be near.
Distant "I love you's" I can hear,
weeping internally."

^^I adore this opening stanza, such passion and emotion that I can't help but be drawn into the piece and can't wait to continue reading.

"Far away, miles apart; Destiny will now chart.
Days, months, years, I'll never depart.
Moonlit nights, bright sunny days,
shine down on me like your sweet gentle smile.
Oh, how I'd do anything."

^^I liked the repetition here, usually I'm not a big fan of repetition but it seemed to work well here, and I loved the imagery within these lines.

"My nose grows cold for you.
I keep a part of you with me,
deep within my heart and soul.
I'd do anything and everything..."

^^I didn't like the "I" in the second line, I don't think there's a need for it, it works just as well without.

"For you
For you
For you
For you
For you
For you
For you"

^^Again, I think the repetition works well here, it gets acorss the sincerity and emotion without becoming overbearing.

"My nose grows cold for you.
I keep a part of you with me,
deep within my heart and soul.
Oh, I'd do anything and everything...

My nose grows cold for you.
I keep a part of you with me,
deep within my heart and soul.
Oh, I'd do anything and everything
Oh, I'd do anything and everything...

For you
For you
For you
For you"

^^As said above, I don't think you need the "I", and I like the repetition.

I thought this was a beautiful and moving piece, the emotion can clearly be felt through every written line, while the imagery is vivid throughout.

I liked this.

First off, let me say as a fellow song writer that this hits home with me on an emotional front. You capture the reader (or listener) with a catchy rhythm and repitition, which is pretty prevalent (spelling?) in most top 100 charting songs. I could easily see this, with the right music behind it charting, or at least getting radio play. It has a very radio friendly vibe to it.

"Far away, miles apart; Destiny will now chart.
Days, months, years, I'll never depart.
Moonlit nights, bright sunny days,
shine down on me like your sweet gentle smile.
Oh, how I'd do anything."

^^ I love this part most, not just on a poetic front, but on an emotional side, because it reflects, personally, how I feel for my fiance, because currently its a long distance thing. So, this set of lines meant alot to me.

Seriously though, amazing work, I really could see this charting, it has many characteristics that make it extremely catchy. Great job from you, new favorite.

"Far away, miles apart; Smiles within our hearts.
From a distance shadows appear
cause our love displays our true wish to be near.
Distant "I love you's" I can hear,
weeping internally."
`Wow, so beautiful! I love the rhyme and flow of this, its magnificent! "Distant I love yous I can hear, weeping internally." - - I think it'd sound better if you said eternally.. but otherwise that is a very beautiful line. :]

"Far away, miles apart; Destiny will now chart.
Days, months, years, I'll never depart.
Moonlit nights, bright sunny days,
shine down on me like your sweet gentle smile.
Oh, how I'd do anything."
`Very well done, very expressive of feelings.. how youd do anything for them, youre obviously very in love with this person!

"My nose grows cold for you.
I keep a part of you with me,
deep within my heart and soul.
I'd do anything and everything..."
`Very well done expressing your feelings, I have now words.. youve said it simply.. well done!

Love the repetiton of for you after the one "stanza". It fits in well.

Great song.. Its almost like me as the reader can sing it and it just flows and sounds so sweet and beautiful.

Well done!!
5/5.

Well written. 5/5

"Far away, miles apart; Smiles within our hearts.
From a distance shadows appear
"cause our love displays our true wish to be near.
Distant "I love you's" I can hear,
weeping internally."

Far away, miles apart; Smiles within our hearts.
From a distance shadows appear
cause our love displays our true wish to be near.
Distant "I love you's" I can hear,
weeping internally.

"Far away, miles apart; Destiny will now chart.
Days, months, years, I'll never depart.
Moonlit nights, bright sunny days,
shine down on me like your sweet gentle smile.
Oh, how I'd do anything."

-I am really pleased, with those sweet words you have enchanted, the rhyme is so, so breathtaking, it seems that distant love is not a hindrance when hearts are subjected to be as one, where hearts are willing. Oh! Lovely! Lovely! the figure of speech usage is exceptional making me admire the song. *better if i can hear it play with tune and tempo*

My nose grows cold for you.
I keep a part of you with me,
deep within my heart and soul.
I'd do anything and everything...

"Far away, miles apart; Soft tender kisses await.
I hear your voice and all the darkness disappears
for love will always break the chain.
I'm staring upon the moon tonight,
wishing you here with me."

"My nose grows cold for you.
I keep a part of you with me,
deep within my heart and soul.
I'd do anything and everything"
- how dear these lines are to me, you have pictured out perfectly a longing love, a love that can be compared to everything, a heart that longs for his everything, couples and lovers would admire this as much as I do. Wonderful! i mean it!

"For you
For you
For you
For you
For you
For you
For you

My nose grows cold for you.
I keep a part of you with me,
deep within my heart and soul.
Oh, I'd do anything and everything...

My nose grows cold for you.
I keep a part of you with me,
deep within my heart and soul.
Oh, I'd do anything and everything
Oh, I'd do anything and everything...

For you
For you
For you
For you"

*please sing it* *let me here how lovely this song plays, ss it orchestrates our hearts with sweetness of a tender longing love*

Again! you have my vote Joe ^^

=5/5=

Wow! It's such a beautiful song. Amazing! The rythm just completely flows. I really like your vocabulary used here. And I can completely feel the emotion in this piece. I'm not sure how I was supposed to sing it(in my head of course) but it sounds great no matter what, I think. And my favorite is when you repeat the line "Far away, miles apart" Love it! Great job!

Soda<3

There are parts of this piece I'm iffy about, but I'd like to think that's because it's a song. When songs are written on paper and read they're a bit different than when you hear them sung. And, It's hard to judge that way because I'm not hearing the actual song. I must say though, I really like what you have written here. Even with the little spots that would be better changed if this was in a poem form. I think that it'll be a great song.

First of all I LOVED the title. Although it was simple...it said a lot.

I adored the repitition of "for you" because it was so sweet and catchy that it is still replaying in my mind. It's really effective in the overall meaning of the poem because it validates what you say of doing anything for this special person and only for them.

The emotions you expressed with your words were heartfelt and made me smile. I always love reading a love poem by a guy about a girl they love because it shows guys have feeling they want to express too! The beauty behind your words just blew me away and I'm curious to hear how this would sound with music because I gave it its own tune in my mind while I was reading it.

Each line just flowed flawlessly with the rest making it an easy yet interesting read. The imagery you painted in my mind with your words a beautiful image of unconditional love and I am sure it came straight from your heart.

Well I dont want to go on and on and on...but I really enjoyed reading this piece.

Well done!
*5/5* :]

Great flow, you can actually make up your own little melody to it. Like read it several times, with a different melody ^^

*My nose grows cold for you* i actually thought that was cute lol

Wow! I absolutely love this song. It's so beautiful! I feel I'd even love it more if I hear it! Great job :)