Here is Goodbye.

That is pretty creative for not really feeling it .. Um , one thing I noticed was that you break off at parts that really should have a pause .. Be careful with that . Other than that , this is just another of your beautiful pieces . Another 5/5

Temps,

I was wondering whether I should read this after seeing the Warning, but then I though, c'mon Michael, you're old enough to read anything now. So without further ado, I will..

Title:
The first line is a great introduction. Music fading, romantic music fading, yes it is very different and so it should be. It creates a scene where romance used to feature, but now it has faded and been replaced with an opposite, a negative, something un-warm and unloving even sad. All this is one line, superb! :)
Okay, so our lady is with a lover, yet without the feelings associated with lovers. His arms, his embrace would look the same, but they would not feel the same without the love within them, they would indeed feel cold and weak and not like the warm tender arms that she is so used to.

Stanza 2:
Words play an important part for lovers. They like to offer little reassurance of love whenever they are together. When the love disappears that reassurance is gone and so the silence, the awful void, I could imagine would make the strongest heart feel like it is crumbling under the extraction of love that once kept it beating so surely. I like how you brought a thunderstorm into this. Thunderstorms fill people with fear and rightly so. They are capable of grave destruction, much like a broken heart. Also the thunder could be likened to a heart pounding with pending fear; ominous indeed. Rain pours like tears, bringing the storm out of this lady, allowing her emotions to flood out. The lightening strike suggests to me a look, like a loveless stare, or a word so cutting that the pain feels like a bolt of lightening, maybe? Such a stare or words would leave anyone motionless. Well done, the drama and imagery are both excellent here.

Stanza 3:
*Minute, should be minute, they scream a, should be they scream an, also hallow, I think should be hollow, right?*
Recognition that this demise has been looming for both characters is new for the reader at this point. It adds a different dimension to the story. We now know that this lady was hoping that her fears were wrong, but tonight she realises that she was in fact correct. This previous knowledge doesn't make it any the less painful, in fact maybe the pain is worsened because the dread has been churning around fuelling the dread. This is a cruel goodbye, two people who used to love going their separate ways. I like how you use a road as a journey, I know that this is not new, but the speed in which it is travelled is fresh to me, Well done :)
The poem finishes on a very low note and without any hint of reprieve, just sadness and no hope, not even a sprinkle.

Temps, well done on this write. You have a real knack for creating pictures that are more like short films than words.

Take care

Michael

The important note is what intrest me the most tmepsy at the begining .

these expressions , and feelings alwasy come from someplace . some wishe , some dream,

they were very strong to describe this perfect way .

enjoyed reading it tempsy ^_^

lovely words and metaphores ..

you deserve the vote

5/5

Temps, I don't know how you create such catchy titles. They always draw me in!

'Romantic music fades into a sorrowful dark night,
those arms used to hold me so close, so tight...
yet tonight nothing feels the same, your embrace
is weak, I'm finding myself shivering in your frigid
compassion, instead of comfortable and warm.'

You set the scene well here, introducing a dark atmosphere, almost romantically dark. The use of enjambment was particularly strong, really jaars the piece, and it's emotionally hooking, since most of us have felt without the touch of another, one we used to have, and now feels like a distant memory, fading away.

'Words become unspoken, no love is exchanged,
my heart can be heard crumbling with every silent
minute passed, lips trembling as thunder rolls,
rain pours down these cheeks, pain strikes me
like a lightning bolt, leaving me in a comatose state.'

I loved the relation to rain and tears, it's been done before, but it's not cliche and it really fits the mood. The last line is very strong, leaving the reader feeling the pain the narrator is feeling.

'Eternally, we both know these symptoms well,
they scream a oppressive goodbye that had been
roaring down the road for as long as we can remember.
Melancholy shocks my soul, killing everything,
leaving me hallow, without a single sprinkle of hope. '

The last line was so heart wrenching, the word 'sprinkle', sounds so childlike, but not in a bad way, it really really works. 'Melancholy shocks my soul' doesn't seem to work though, I think either 'isolation' or something else would work better. It just jolts the flow a a bit I think.

Overall though, this is another example of how good you are at creating very saddening poetry, and your word choice is getting better and better.

Well written Temps, deep emotions and feelings portrayed and indeed it felt real to me too.

Melancholy shocks my soul, killing everything,
leaving me hallow, without a single sprinkle of hope.

^^^I have a very different feeling about melancholy. I am a true romantic and I dwell on this feeling..it makes me happy in a weird sort of way..I hope this makes sense, I am a little strange sometimes:)

Beautiful poem by you:)

*hugs*

5/5 Ingrid