Comments : It Was Music From the Start

  • 15 years ago

    by Inside the Liar

    Kelsy, Kelsy, Kelsy.
    I love this piece. You know I love this piece, because that's what I said when you showed it to me in your notebook.

    If it weren't for music, where would we be?
    ^^
    Nice opening line.

    It connected us from the start
    Its how we met
    ^^
    This is the part that made me realize it was about Britt(I know, I'm slow. You love me anyway.)

    It wasn't our music, it was overdeveloped techno
    But it was fantastic, no matter what
    ^^
    These lines made me smile very widely, because I knew exactly what you were talking about.

    A great beat, made us dance like our lives depended on it
    As if, if we stopped we would all drop dead
    ^^
    No comment here.

    We didn't actually dance with eachother
    But, boy, I wish we had
    ^^
    The first line here made me go, "aww." And then the second one made me laugh.

    I didn't know you at first
    But I, unknowingly, knew the sounds you produced
    Actually, I had been listening for a while
    It shocked me when I found out it was you all along
    Though, it was pleasing
    ^^
    I liked this whole stanza bit. It was very cute. Heck, the whole poem is cute.

    If it wasn't for our love of music, who knows?
    It could have turned out completely different
    Such a surreal existence
    Hard to believe
    But it worked
    Hallelujah, Buddha
    Play that song one more time
    ^^
    Nice ending. I like the second to last line.

    Kelsy, Kelsy, Kelsy.
    I love this piece, like I said. I think it would be easier to read if you broke it up into stanzas. I think all your stuff would be easier to read if you broke them up into stanzas. Personally, I have a tough time reading work that is all shoved together. My eyes can't really focus that way. I also think you could right an amazing rhyming poem if you wanted to. You should try it. 5/5
    Love you.
    Skye