Comments : Zoning Out

  • 15 years ago

    by Italian Stallion

    Overall great write, loved the flow and structure of this poem it was almost flawless. I think the flow would be flawless if you had more puncuation instead of just for the questions. Puncuation is very important in poetry, it shows the reader when to pause or stop. The imagery was good, I could picture this happening.

    ``````````
    What is all the fuss about?
    I was just zoning out
    Is it a crime or an awful sin?
    To know and feel peace within

    ^^I liked your intro stanza, it really drew me right into the poem. I wanted to keep on reading and find out what the rest of the poem had to reveal. Great job!

    ``````````
    Zoning out or maybe zoning in
    While patience is wearing thin
    It's for many a way to cope
    Swinging at the end of a rope

    ^^Interesting stanza for me, different, but in a good way. I like uniqeness, and that is excactly what you showed. As I mentioned above I really think the rest of the poem would benifit from having puncuation.

    ``````````
    Do we fear the twilight zone?
    Why should we feel alone?
    Pray for me pray for grace
    Heaven is such a peaceful place

    ^^haha, I liked your use of the "twiilight zone" reminded me of the show. This is another stanza that pulled me right in, the flow was great as well as the rhymes.

    ``````````
    While I visit cloud nine
    Where love flows like wine
    Peace within and peace without
    Zoning out without a doubt

    ^^Great ending to a very unique piece. I particually like this line, "where love flows like wine" Great job, very nicely written. This stanza ended the poem nicely.

    ``````````

    Excellent write, keep up the great work!

    Peace, Joe

  • 15 years ago

    by ReBecca

    Zoning out or maybe zoning in
    While patience is wearing thin
    It's for many a way to cope
    Swinging at the end of a rope

    At first I thought the poem might be about getting high or something, burt when I read this verse it made me think of teen and preteen children "hanging" themselves for a high and then accidently dying or causing themselves severe brain damage.
    It made me sad. I don't know if that is what you were writing about, but it's what I got out of it. Thank you for sharing. I dont think I have read another like it. I, too, enjoy unique poetry, and this was another one coming from you. Good job.

  • 15 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    On the end of a rope is a mataphor for being on the edge of fear or despair and was not meant to glorfy self harm of any form

    thank you for your comment

  • 15 years ago

    by Darien

    You have some nice catchy rhymes in this poem. It's really hard to tell that this poem is about self-harm. I mean, I kind of caught it with the line;
    'While patience is wearing thin'

    I'm not really sure how I feel about this poem. I mean it was really nice, and it had a great flow and very well constructed rhymes, but zoning out seems like a really bizzare topic. I guess that's why it's under misc. huh? Hmm, oh well, good stuff I guess!

  • 15 years ago

    by HvN

    Great ryme, beautiful message sent across. your word choice was simple yet very effective, it has a very attracting ring to it, great flow and overall very well written.

    5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by CanUKissAwayMyPain

    Hmm.. i love it! every word send a powerful message. that something good can be evil too. the flow was just right. i love it!! amazing job.
    5/5

    TaKe CaRe,
    Frenchy

  • 15 years ago

    by jarrod

    I love the line about zoning out or maybe zoning in. I really enjoyed reading this poem.