The feeling of being worthless

Jody, this poem is for you,
look what you have made me do.
I'm sitting here, my eyes are full of tears,
a 13-year-old girl shouldn't have all these fears.
My mind is distracted by thoughts of suicide,
I'm thinking of all those f...... times I've cried.
All the tears I've cried, I cried because of you,
so many times, I've even cut myself too.
Why can't you love only me,
instead of Cassie, Stef and Kaylee?
I thought I was the one for you,
I swear to God, these words are true.
You probably don't care about how I feel,
those words you said were never real.
You said I was pretty, s..y and hot,
all those things I am obviously not.
Why don't you say it straight to me,
"Girl, listen, you're really ugly!"?
There's nothing left of my self-esteem,
I don't know whether to cry or to scream.
I'm always happy when I talk to you on MSN,
but at the same time, you're probably talking to them.
Why do things have to be like they're now?
Why do I hate you, but still love you somehow?
You'll probably talk to me again, and make me feel blue,
and I'll as always come crawling back - I can't help it, I love you!
I hope you know these words are coming straight from my heart,
the heart that you've torn apart.
I have never felt so worthless before,
I feel it every second, more and more.
No one will ever love me for who I really am,
I will never be good enough - I will never be like them.
I look in the mirror, at my red, swollen eyes,
I look in the mirror, and I see a girl who cries.
I am holding something in my hand,
something sharp, a razor blade.
After all the pain you've caused me, look what you're making me do,
all the marks on my arm are there because of you.
Every time we talk, you tell a new lie,
Jody, you really make me want to die.
Why are you so cruel to me?
Are you blind, don't you see?
Tell me now, and please be true,
for once in your life, be honest to me too.
If I died, would you cry?
Would you shed a tear, would you lie?
Would you pretend, would you care?
Would you even notice that I'm not there?
I have to stop writing soon, it's about time,
this has all turned into a sick, stupid rhyme.
All your lies have made me weak,
I feel another tear slide down my cheek.
I wish the pain would go away,
but the memories of you will always stay.

©