The Blind Coud Even Witness Our Love

by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex   Feb 19, 2009


(Love you?)
It's not a question, it's simply a unconscious reaction.

Oh, I remember the day when the taste of your love cowered over y lips; it quivers, teasingly tempting me to lick my lips again.

(Will I?)

Most likely not, when the intentions are so weak. Yet, if you promise to brush your lips across mine instead of thirsting for my touch . . . yes, I just might love you unconditionally, but

(It's hard to tell,)

When broken promises turn into the truth you tried so hard to hide; it's getting difficult to distinguish. Yet, your taste still lingers on me, like a delicious scent you pray never goes away;

(Just let me think about it.)

The though of you memories suffocate my mind. The thought of your meer existence tickles my thoughts; crazy? it's what they've all said, but if this feeling deems you crazy, I must be admitted immediately. I refuse to stop grasping you; pry my fingers away if you're that terrified, but I'm ready to burn in H-ll for my loving an unholy man.

(Love you?)

Its not a question, it's simply an unconscious reaction. The blind could even witness our love as the deaf struggle to understand. And they whisper to me, "It's okay to fall in love."

Love you? It's difficult to decide, but I think I'll take my chances.

(Love you? I think I'll take my chances.)

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Latest Comments

  • 12 years ago

    by Khalid M Darwish

    The title 'The Blind Coud Even Witness Our Love' the word 'coud' I think should be 'could'
    'y' should be 'yr' or 'your'

    I enjoyed the reading

  • 15 years ago

    by Italian Stallion

    I really liked the originality of this poem, It was unique in its own. The flow was good, but the structure was just okay for me. I show you how to fix the structure in a minute.

    ``````````
    "(Love you?)
    It's not a question, it's simply a unconscious reaction.

    Oh, I remember the day when the taste of your love cowered over y lips; it quivers, teasingly tempting me to lick my lips again."

    ^^ I believe in the second line, you meant "your" and not "y" Now as far as the structure, I would've liked to see it in the form of stanzas.

    Here is an example:

    (Love you?)
    It's not a question,it's simply an unconscious reaction.
    Oh, I remember the day when the taste of your love cowered over your lips; it quivers, teasingly tempting me to lick my lips again.

    ``````````

    Overall a wonderful write, I enjoyed the read. You have talent, keep up the great work!

    Peace, Joe

  • 15 years ago

    by H E Losey

    Fourth line "over y lips;" "y" should be "your"?
    Line 14 "of you memories " "you" should be "your"(?), "suffocate my" to "suffocates"
    As I do not understand this style as poetry,
    to me it is more prose, I do not feel qualified to comment more on either content or construction.

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