Comments : Love's Deadly Poison.

  • 15 years ago

    by Grant Gilbert AKA Slash

    Hey Temps, this is a rather bitter sweet poem,it speaks of a love lost but with some hope still in there somewhere.
    I like the good wishes at the end it shows strength of character
    well done

    Grant

  • 15 years ago

    by Blissful

    Very good title. Eye-catching and interesting.

    "Face planted in hands, cupping tears that fall.
    A mini lake forms in the palms of my hands. "
    ^I dont like the repitition of "my hands" here.

    "no saccharine words flow from his lips no more."
    ^"no more" LOL come on Temps you know better than that. "Anymore"

    "Emotions twisted, impossible to know how to feel"
    ^I liked how you said that. Sometimes when we are hurt so badly...our heart feels numb to any emotion and we feel as if we can never feel love again but that isnt true. You might feel tainted now and lost hope in love but someone will enter your life that restores all your faith in this beautiful emotion. Just wait and it will be worth it. Trust me.

    "There's just no hope that remains for us anymore,"
    ^You're basically repeating the same thing you said in the first line of the second stanza.

    I liked the ending. When you love someone with all your heart, all you want for them is to be happy even if it isnt with you. Your prince will come Temps. Hes just lost and wont stop to ask for directions or a map.

    Well done although I know you coulda done better.

  • 15 years ago

    by HOLLYWOODxBANGBANG

    I don't know what it is that drew me into this poem. It could have been the sting of lost hope you get from even the very first line, but however, you are still willing to give the one who hurt you so bad your best wishes. I liked this poem, a lot.
    5.5