Good, for the class u should get an "A."
lol.
The only thing is it might be better if you put it in stanzas.

EmoBritboo

I think this is an excellent write! It was just long enough to tell your entire story but not too short that the story wasn't encapturing. I would like to see you rewrite this as a poem in metre and rhyme(though rhyme is less important) it is almost there now if one allows their mind to see it.

This is good

I like it, it's very detailed!! 5/5