On Our Wedding Day

Anopther fairly good love poem, again setting itself apart in it's approach. But, I found myself not paying attention about half way through, so I would recommend maybe cutting just one stanza out. Also, is "quieten" a word? I've never heard it...One last thing, stanzas 1, 2 and 3:
Nerves fluttering in my belly
Time seeming to fly so fast
Excitement tinged with anxiety
Yet wishing for this day to last

Hair spiraling down my shoulders
Carefully made up face and eyes
Giant ball of emotions deep inside
This hidden with a careful disguise

This day has taken so long to arrive
But now everything is rushing by
After all the hurt and pain of the past
For feeling pure joy are the only tears I cry

The rhyming is off here. The rest of the poem is set as a b c b, while these ones are a b a b, a b b b and a a b a. Maybe check into that.

Peace and prosperity,

(RKD)

I liked the opening stanza. It wasnt too overwhelming to start with, but it had a few differences that I liked. For example, I like the word BELLY instead of the more common word STOMACH. BELLY sounded a little more child-like to me for some reason so it followed the mood better. Still in the first stanza, I love the words FLUTTERING and TINGED; those were great word choices.

The second stanza was well written as well, but the last line seemed out of place. I was a little taken back by the word THIS. Personally, I think the line is great without that word.

The next stanza is great still, but again, the last line was very confusing to me. The words seem scrambled up some. I re-read it several times, but still couldnt extract exactly what you meant to portray. You may want to look at this line again.

The next stanzas all flow together so well painting such a vivid scene. The imagery was really great even though there werent a ton of descriptions used. I think the words paint an overall picture, but the reader can finish the scene off with their own imagination. Great job.

In the ninth stanza, the second line seemed off key to me. I would try saying "Barely noticing anything else, my mind is focused on you" or something of that nature. The WAY TO WRAPPED seemed fragmented to me, like the beginning of the line was left off. After I read it a few times, I got the meaning, but the rest of the poem flowed so well that it made this part stick out.

The last two stanzas were great. I love the rhyme between BOUQUET and DISPLAY. The words are spelled so different that its kinda easy to overlook them when looking for a rhyming partner. I loved the last line too, it was a really great line to end on.

Overall, i really liked the poem. You seemed to explain a lot of the scenes but also left them open for the reader to expand on. I thought a few lines were fragmented some, but remembering back to my wedding, that it how everything was.

Great job. Nothing really negative to point out.

This reminds me of when my dad got married, but it wasn't to my mom, but that's beside the point. Anyway, from the way you wrote this, I can tell it was just as special and you portrayed your message beautifully. 5/5