Sometimes it's hard

Sometimes its hard
for me to tell you
exactly what is going on
in my mind,
a faraway look
staring into space,
you would say.
a knit brow
a balled fist
a changed tone;
you always notice
and I lvoe that about you,
how you always seem to know
when something
isnt quite
where it should be...

but its so hard
for me to tell you
what is on my mind
in my eyes
your so perfect
you dont do
things wrong
the way i do....
you dont worry about
stupid, inconsequential things
the way i do
-I dont want to
Make you think of me
Differently
Because of my many
Imperfections

But sometimes
Its hard for me
To tell you
What is on my mind
Because I dont want
You to think
All I do is complain

Because I dont want
To look like
All I want is attention
Like all the girls I hate

Because if youro in
A good mood
I wouldnt want
To ruin it for you

Because you make me so happy
All of my problems
Seem dimmer, smaller
When Im with you

Because there is a wall
Built sturdily around my heart
Constructed slowly over time
Through experiences
Of my own
You have yet
To hear of-
This wall that
Holds my heart
And forever reminds me
To be careful with
Everything I do or say-
Who I trust.

And I wouldnt want you
To think its you-
Oh no absolutely not

But Ive learned over time
No one can be trusted
And that guys, boys, males, men,
Are only there to hurt you
With only one goal in their mind
Ive lerned that
The one you care about most
Will always leave you
Betray you
Hurt you
Laugh at you
And then
Walka way

So Im trying hard
To take down the wall
But when I say
Im fine
When I snap at you
For trying to
Decipher my
Incoherent stares
When Im too quiet
For myself
Know its not you
Know I love you
Know how badly
I want to get it out of me
Know how badly
I want to trust you
And know
I never want you
To stop trying

But also know
Its hard for me
To build trust
With someone
Know and realize
You have the
Poetential to
Shatter my heart
In a thousand pieces
In less
Than a sentence;
I have to be careful.

But also know
How much
I absolutely
Love you.