Comments : If Loving You Only Felt Right (Collab)

  • 15 years ago

    by Gasttlee

    Wow! This is so painful it's beautiful! I almost cried when I felt the emotion and passion you put into this. 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    Each quatrain delivers a lot of feelings in this well written love poem

    you work well together
    5>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

  • 15 years ago

    by ilikepurple222

    You delivered this really well. You make the reader able to feel the pain with you. Go along for the ride kind of poem. This is reaaly great!!!

  • 15 years ago

    by Faithless

    Forcing back tears every time you wrap me in your secure embrace,
    For it hurts this blackened heart to see the smile upon your face,
    Knowing I could never come to love you the way that you love me,
    I've tried so hard yet it'll never happen, that's my only guarantee

    ^^^Wow this opening just really got me captivated. I like how the both of you
    introduced the situation at the start of the poem. It must have been hard upon
    the protagonist to not give the same love to the person whom love her. Great job here

    Breaking inside, you remind me of him, the way we used to be
    One who took and saved my heart, making my story complete
    Holding onto you, remembering how so quickly he let me slip away
    Wishful thinking, that he was the one I am wrapped up in on this day

    ^^^This stanza is amazing. I like how the both of you make portray the guy
    just as a substitute for her but not one whom she can give her heart to.

    Absolutely no clue about these treacherous thoughts on my mind
    Constantly arguing with myself, always alone for I've become confined
    For your the one person I trust yet can't share these thoughts and fears
    Seeming euphoric together but things aren't always how they appear

    ^^^Another amazing stanza. The both of you really have a away of showing
    how confused the protagonist is. yeah sometimes it's difficult to share somethings
    with the person we are close to, as one wrong move could change the whole relationship
    The last line kindda describe how things are just a false facade.

    Take my hand on this journey of finding where our love belongs
    Heartbeats building rhythm as your words create lyrics to the song
    Yet with each spoken word from your soft lips remind me of him
    Remembering his bright eyes, looking into yours has come so dim

    ^^^I like the creativity here...how heartbeat and words convert to rhythm and lyrics
    yet no matter how, your heart still longs for your ex.

    Know it's not fair what I'm doing, yet don't know what else to do
    Really have tried yet know that this relationship has become taboo
    Constantly wishing to love you so much, it's certainly not for lack of trying
    Tired of half truths, broken oaths: it's love you deserve that I'm denying

    ^^^you have taken confused to another level. Though you know what is the right
    thing to do, ou are still confused and unsure what to do.Seem you have done
    your best, but your best just isn't good enough. But the way i feel that
    it would make the flow better if you were to add in 'a' before the word taboo

    Trapped in my past emotions, comparing now to what was once there
    Stuck in a maze, finding a way to love your heart, know I'm being unfair
    Wishing you'd look into my eyes, see truth there; if only you'd convert
    This isn't how I want us to be, for it's you who I never wanted to hurt

    ^^^Wow the both of you really know how to end it with a BANG. Ok i have
    2 interpretation for this ending when you said the word covert.
    1)She wants him to covert become his ex
    2)She wants him to convert to her faith
    Either way, she still cares for the person for she doesn't want him to love
    a person(her) who couldn't give him the same love

    Overall I must say this is the best collab that i have read so far. Both your
    words intertwine with each other very smoothly. I seriously couldn't tell which
    line are whose.Welli hope to read more collab from the both of you in future

    Excellent Job
    5/5