I'll admit, I adored the colour of her eyes.

by Melpomene   Feb 27, 2009


-Note: This poem is for an in club challenge where you had to write a poem in which you confess to a crime you didn't commit in real life. We had to turn our confessions into a narrative poem in which you describe the events leading up to the crime.-

I observed,
as she danced.
Her eyes too
diminished
for me to
empathize.
Were they gold
or was it amber?
I'd never know
vertical here.

I approached,
as she tardily
shimmered away.
Incited
My pupils
caught a gleam
by surprise.
I pounced
and it was
worth it.
My hands landed
upon silhouettes
of her disguise.

She squirmed,
and we almost
departed ways.
Her ability to fly
left an impression
of unsafe.
So I'll admit,
I clipped
her butterfly
wings.
But least I
got to see her
eyes were crimson
after all.

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Atomic

    I read this in the thread in our group and absolutely loved it!

    I don't usually read poems with this format, but I'm glad I did.

    And I agree with The Tasteless about the title, but at the same time I also like yours as is.

    Great job.

  • 15 years ago

    by Deana

    A very interesting idea, you handled it very well. A very intriguing write, mysterious and dark. outstanding!

  • 15 years ago

    by Sora

    You have a wonderful talent. this poem blew me away. very deep and poetic. i loved the ending the most. it made me feel like i wanted to keep reading but your poem had ended. all in all keep writing. you'll go far. 5/5.

    -Ashlei.

  • 15 years ago

    by The Prince

    I absolutely love dark poems, they're my favourite kind. Narrative poems are always tricky. The title was excellent and drew me in.
    I admired the form you created. It's subtle, which makes it more dark, instead of spoonfeeding the reader. I could almost imagine a voice confessing this:

    'My hands landed
    upon silhouettes
    of her disguise. '

    It was phonetic, and it worked, and I think you made every right choice in order to write this. I liked the echo of the title. Excellent, I'm glad I read this. I have no further suggestions on how to improve.

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