My Beast, you're Beautiful

Nonrhythmic but contained, unusual and I thought at first not to my taste, so I gave you the benefit of the doubt and reread. I read it twice more and it opened up to me like a new book, fresh and full of imagery evoking vibrant visions of something new in a love poem, refreshing and not over wordy very clever and well put together 5/5 RayS

That was so beautiful!! :) I do not know what to say, honestly, because I'm out of words, really. You did a fantastic job on this, it's no wonder you're a brilliant poet. :) I love your works.

Bri~

Nice to see something new from you.

'A veil which spreads,
Gently 'round thy heart
flutters with his
lashes breeze.'

This had a very arcahic style to it, the lexis and linguistical choices you made were quite risky since sometimes, when used, older styles of vocabulary end up sounding dated and clunky, but I think you pulled it off well here.

'As midnight strikes
we shall be pale,
for we'd never sleep
at comforts ease.'

I love that 'we shall be pale', it was such a nice phrase. The use of the qualifier, and you painted a pitcuresque image in my head. The last two lines screamed romance and your simple language was put to good effect.

'No fairy tale shall
mimic songs.
For beast was beauty
and beauty thy beast.
I've loved eternity
for far too long,
as I've counted
the chimes of a
everlasting peace.'

The final two lines there were marvellous, although you forgot to put 'an' instead of 'a'.

I enjoyed this stanza immensely, though it was casually dotted with fillers that you could perhaps tidy up at a later date. The flow was lovely and I admired the lack of rhyme but you still kept it sounding sweet and poetic, without being overly sweet.

'I've watched you sleep,
with crescent moons,
to never feel affection,
would end my song.
As stars evolve we
live for serenity
A muse of connection
tranquil we belong.'

I'd have perhaps liked to see some of that archaic lexis here too. The ending was suiting. And you painted a very pale message behind your words here. The idea of the 'crescent moon' was wonderfully subtle, and you attempted a different approach to the simple love poem. You've created a nice form, not too difficult to read and it's not overwrought either. It's a very impressive write.