My Own Personal Ocean

I hate being the one to always love and then lose.
It seems as though everyone I ever need
always ends up leaving me.
I'm left drowning in my own personal ocean.
All I feel is my heart pounding inside of my chest
and the adrenaline rushing through my veins.
The smile on the outside hardly ever reflects what's going on in the inside.
I feel stranded anymore.
I can only take so much.
Every now and then,
I look up to the sky in the dark of the night to search for the stars.
Any sign of meaning for all of this.
The sky remains pitch black.
Time after time, you come back into my mind.
And suddenly I can't think straight.
No more common sense left in me.
None of this really helps with the plan I had made for this year.
All I had asked for was to just "live".
To walk along the beach watching the sunset.
Instead I walked too far along the edge and the waves pulled me into the deepest part of the ocean.
All I need now is for someone to toss me something so that I can float back to the surface.
Something to help me rescue myself.
Because I'm not depending on you anymore.
No one.
They're only going to let me down anyways.
Once again, I'm here all alone.
Drowning in my own personal ocean.