Jumbled Thoughts

I sit here and think of you
My heart starts beating faster
At the memory of your face
I can't stop it now, it's gaining pace

My body starts to tremble
As I think of your embrace
Your strong arms engulfing me
My weak, small body so safe

But you're not here now
I long to hear your voice
You said you'd call again
Oh, I pray that you do

Pacing back and forward
I crumble down the wall
Staring into nothingness
As the tears once more start to fall

I take a shower to wash away the tears
But they come tumbling back down
A river of pain releasing down my face
Why can't I get this right?

So scared of what I will do
Feeling so alone and so full of pain
I wish I could tell you every word
That crosses my mind

I need you now but you said wait
So, I will, I won't be selfish this time
And I won't start another fight
Anxiousness tearing me apart

Boy, I need you to hold me tonight
You deserve so much better
Than anything I have to offer
But I'm praying tonight that you'll

See that I don't want anyone but you
And I would die to see you smile
My heart is filled with pain without you
And everything else is just so numb

My chest tightens, I know how to end this
But I know you'd hate me so much more
It's been so many years since I've tried
And I will try so hard not to give in tonight

My thoughts jumble and my mind whirls
In every different direction
Memories intertwined with the dreams I had
For us and our lives I placed together

Silly, childhood fantasies of true love
And a happily ever after
But I should know by now that isn't real
We've all been so horribly tricked

I can't form two sentences,
My words just don't seem to paint the picture well
Of a girl spinning out of control
All because she fell in love with a boy

And destroyed them both with her jealousy,
selfishness and disbelief,
Oh, How I just want to scream
I LOVE YOU!