A very good piece. Your first two lines - I loved them! It was a great, strong, though out beginning. The juxtaposition of being filled up with air was brilliant. You had several examples of juxtaposition throughout the piece, which I think was key to the success to this piece. I also liked your rhymes extremely. In particular, the rhyme in the third stanza, of ‘close’ and ‘ghost’ was unexpected, but good, very good. The piece also ended on a strong note, which is always a good thing. Even if your middle sucks, a strong start and finish is fundamental. A very good piece.

Brad

I could really feel the meaning of this piece....well done....good.....the flow of this piece is great.

tc x

b.w.t.p.o.d