The Story Of The Little Green Goblin (Children's Poem)

Sylvia,

What a delightful read. There is a beautiful meaning behind this, as the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I think it was just precious that he was a little green goblin, it just added so much imagery to the picture I painted in my head. Marvelous job dear.

Valedico ( F P C D ) at 2009-03-11

'Once upon a time, in a country far, far away,
lived folks so gentle, unicorns, elves, goblins, dragons,
residing peacefully, in a land of magical harmony,
sheltered from the weather in brightly painted wagons.'

I liked the familiarity and echo of the beginning, it's reminiscent of children's stories I used to read with brightly painted pictures but I didn't need the pictures here because you both painted them for me. :) It's not too childish either, it has it's adult moments too, it's good because I think it appeals to both.

'In this world of magic, all creatures had their place.
A maze, filled with activity throughout the day.
From early dawn, when they gathered their food,
til sundown around the fire, dancing the night away.'

This sounds like a magical place, the idea of escapism here, it's a place I think children would want to go to! I love the little phrases that always exist in children's poetry. It's lovely.

'How could one wish to leave such a place, you'd say.
Still one little green goblin decided it was for the best,
if he gathered his pitiful belongings and went away.
So early one morning he and his wagon headed west.'

I liked how you brought a character into it, it makes it more interesting for the reader and there's not much to comment on the language, it's pretty much consistent throughout. 'Pitiful belongings' was quite powerful.

'
Westward to the land of opportunity, so he thought.
Things will be better there, no more ridicule for being green.
Being different than all the others left behind, felt so out of place.
His hopes were high, he would fit in, no one would be mean.'

I think that children who are picked on at school can relate to this, being different is every child's worst nightmare and this is shown here, it's almost a metaphor for child life.

I might have liked a bit more from this, I mean, everything's there, but it felt a bit short in it's entirety, still I gotta hand it to you both. Excellent job.

Valedico ( F P C D ) at 2009-03-11

'Once upon a time, in a country far, far away,
lived folks so gentle, unicorns, elves, goblins, dragons,
residing peacefully, in a land of magical harmony,
sheltered from the weather in brightly painted wagons.'

I liked the familiarity and echo of the beginning, it's reminiscent of children's stories I used to read with brightly painted pictures but I didn't need the pictures here because you both painted them for me. :) It's not too childish either, it has it's adult moments too, it's good because I think it appeals to both.

'In this world of magic, all creatures had their place.
A maze, filled with activity throughout the day.
From early dawn, when they gathered their food,
til sundown around the fire, dancing the night away.'

This sounds like a magical place, the idea of escapism here, it's a place I think children would want to go to! I love the little phrases that always exist in children's poetry. It's lovely.

'How could one wish to leave such a place, you'd say.
Still one little green goblin decided it was for the best,
if he gathered his pitiful belongings and went away.
So early one morning he and his wagon headed west.'

I liked how you brought a character into it, it makes it more interesting for the reader and there's not much to comment on the language, it's pretty much consistent throughout. 'Pitiful belongings' was quite powerful.

'
Westward to the land of opportunity, so he thought.
Things will be better there, no more ridicule for being green.
Being different than all the others left behind, felt so out of place.
His hopes were high, he would fit in, no one would be mean.'

I think that children who are picked on at school can relate to this, being different is every child's worst nightmare and this is shown here, it's almost a metaphor for child life.

I might have liked a bit more from this, I mean, everything's there, but it felt a bit short in it's entirety, still I gotta hand it to you both. Excellent job.

You two did a flawless job, you see.. its rare to come across a children's poem on this site, you never see them so its nice to see something new for a change. I loved the message in this poem, and you clearly stated it towards the end.. the ending line was powerful and spoke of truth. The ending quote really said it all, this little short story flowed so smooth and it was such an enjoyable read.. I'm glad I read it.. :]

5/5.

Ohh Ingrid, Sylvia the both of you have really done a wonderful job. I like that this poem written this in a medieval/ fantasy time. Though it was written for little kids... I see that, there was also a hidden meaning behind this poem. Life is a journey where we make mistakes , learn from it and realise that sometimes what we believe is not what it seems to be.

Overall the both of you have done an excellent job, i seriously couldn't tell which lines or verse was whose.

5/5 from me;)