This won't save you

And yes this is me accusing you:
accusing you of being perfect.
because what it means is that if you leave
- when you leave -
i'll be at square one again.
alone.
and i don't know how to make it all better
without you.
because sometimes it just hurts without why
and i don't have anything big to say to assure people:
"my heart's not been bleeding
it just leaks sometimes"
subtlety can be such a killer.
i don't try or do anything without absolute confirmation..
how can that ever be living?
but with you
i'm alive.
i'm so alive.