Comments : R.I.P.

  • 15 years ago

    by Xx Shiny StarxX

    Ts good I love how u put ur fellings into it

  • 15 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Just to make this form more exciting, try writing this into a stanza, instead of just ongoing sentences. Also, in some parts I think there could be more descriptions of everything that he taught you, did to you and other things, I think you could elaborate and make this longer, because I enjoyed reading what you wrote, though it made my heart fill with sadness.

    "You used to cheer me up with jokes, and fight on with your smile"

    Good opening, this person sounds like a lovely friend, and someone who you held dear.

    "you used to look like u have no care in the world..."

    "u" should be spelled out "you".

    "have" should be "had".

    "but in reality you were always facing cancer...you lived your life to the fullest...and now you've got the last laugh..."

    These couple of lines are very sad, this person really sounds like an angel, living life to their fullest no matter what, even though they had cancer.

    "oh how i wished i was there to see you laugh that laugh"

    Comma should be placed after "oh" for a dramtic pause.

    The "i"s in this piece should be capitalized.

    And I think you could add "unforgetable" before the second "laugh", just to be more descriptive.

    I am very sorry for the loss, I know what that is like, but just think, he is up their in God's arms, in Heaven, where there lies eternity of goodness for him. He is in a better place, don't worry. I know life seems unfair sometimes, but God never gives you anything you can't handle, just pray to him and I promise you, you'll get through this, with your family's, friend's, and God's help. Take care and God Bless You!

    4/5 from me, keep writing, always and forever..