My Serenade (Collab with End Of Eternity)

Ah, Cindy, this is a lovely piece of love poetry - one of those rare kinds of old style rhyming pieces that is a joy to read and write when it flows this smoothly.
A seamless collaboration - which is never easy to achieve.
All the very best and I hope you are well,
Ben

Once again the two of you have made magic with your beautiful words.This is a beautiful pie e that shows the depth of one persons love for the other.always a pleasure to read your colabs.
Keep up the great work Cindy.
An enjoyable read.
Paul...

This is a sweet poem:

'Your heart is like an island
I wish to have discovered before
Your voice is like an ocean
Where I never want to find the shore'

The imagery and similes used here are easy to comprehend and quite fitting to the poem's tone. I do think the word 'where' is a bit misplaced here. I don't think you need it.

'Your heart beat is the music
That soothes me to sleep
Your bright smile in the memories
I will forever keep'

Very romantic and sweet. The idea of a heartbeat (being just a continuous drone) putting someone to sleep is quite interesting, I got an image of a couple holding each other tight, and her head pressed against his chest.

'Your breaths are like a breeze
Spreading love all around
Your dreams could embrace the sky
Without lifting a foot from the ground '

I think 'your breath is like a breeze' would be nicer, but I adored the last couplet, the flow was spot on and is perhaps the best moment in the poem. Excellent.

'Your Strength embraces me
Like a Majestic Mountaintop
You're quietly in the distance
Pure love lifting me up '

I admire the consistency you have here. The alliteration was nice and again, it's another well penned stanza. Nothing much critical to say other than 'quietly' seems off, as an adverb.

'Your eyes are deep enough
To look in, till the end of eternity
Your faith is strong enough
To shine on the Worlds beauty '

Flow was a bit off in the second line but I liked the idea of the eyes almost being bottomless, always finding solace there, always finding something new. Brilliant.

'Your laughter is my serenade
Brings me smiles when I grieve
You're my trusted tree of life
To whom I'll always cleave'

Fantastic ending, really admired this poem's consistency and well chosen lexis. Brilliant collaboration (although I couldn't tell it was one) because it flowed so well.

Good work!

What a great love poem for you two =)
I really loved the emotions in it, although your rhyme needed to be strengthened a little bit more.

Your Strength embraces me
Like a Majestic Mountaintop
You're quietly in the distance
Pure love lifting me up

I loved this stanza, it's probably the best out of the whole poem.
The stanza next to it was great too, I guess Nitin is the one who wrote it?? lol apparently cause it holds the words "end of eternity".

Anyway great job you two =)
Write on !

Outstanding write, smooth,fluid, and beautiful. i enjoyed it . 5/5