Aborted

This was a very strong and thought-provoking write, your wording drew me in and held my attention. It also made me think and saddened my heart, there was so much emotion and depth in this piece. You make the reader feel like the fetus and really capture their heart and soul. Great wording that captivated me, and a very strong ending. 5/5 from me, keep writing, always and forever...

~MaryAnne

I like your perspective here. I don't know how many of us would think to talk as though you were the unborn child.

I am not sure about your opening though

"I am alive...
I am alive and within you I strive
to stay alive..."

Feels like too many "alive" maybe change the last line to "to live"

I thought your ending was very strong and the emotion was great throughout the whole piece. I think you could make it a bit stronger in places but it was a great start overall, good work. I also think it is a great topic.

This is definitely an original poem, I've never seen a poem where the fetus was taking in the poem. I like how you wrote it though, because its true the fetus doesn't really have a voice. It was a good and easy read I liked it. It seemed very emotional, like the cries of a fetus.

"I am alive...
I am alive and within you I strive
to stay alive..."

This sounds like a journey to me. Before its discovered till it is and the choice is made. This sounds like its having trouble to stay alive, like all it wants to do is to be part of this world and be alive.

"I have no choice but you do
Am I to be, or is my life through?
I am in question..."

The wait, the longing to know if its going to live or not. This really does bring up a bunch of mixed feelings, this makes me want to read on even more...

"You are my voice for I have none of my own
Within you I have already grown
Am I desired?..."

This gives me the feeling of being unwanted and alone, I can feel what this fetus in the poem feels. You really make your reader feel as if he/she is apart of this, like they are the ones in question...

"All that I ask is for more than a glance,
just a little more time to be given a chance
Am I allowed?..."

I like how you've ended the last two stanzas with a question. The stanza before this is the fetus talking, saying how it feels. I like how in this stanza its pleading to stay alive, as you said before "strive to stay alive"

"You seem to feel not even the slightest of sorrow
is this the end? no chance of tomorrow?
I love you...

Silence..."

This makes me want to cry, its like the fetus has a voice finally when it says "I love you..." But nothing is heard. "Silence" it has a voice, yet no one can hear it.

This is really an emotional poem. and One of the best you've written, you really bring your readers in and make them feel as if they are the fetus, which is why I like this so much.