Stung by a scorpion

Wow...I like this one even more than the other. Once again it was very unique. You have some interesting ideas. This one has a lot of feeling in it, my favorite stanza is the last.
This poem is going on my favorites, 5/5

These are very original metaphors that demonstrate the paradox of many lovers

Stung right in the heart
The poison spreads in me,
Destroying all its art
That keeps from being free.

^awwww... such a beautiful wonderful way of bring the reader into it. i realie love it. flow was right

deluded sight of passion,
not discerning what I see,
leaving him access to
the heart with golden key.

^nice choice of words. i like them. "the heart with golden key" my favorite line

A key to make it end
this gamble of desire,
he conceals, all his cards
caught with sudden scarlet fire.

^"scarlet fire" wow i love those words they say a lot to me. nice...

Nights of blazing numbness
When he has left and goes,
Prepared to sting the others
with traits of little roes..

^omg i love this part. what u feel wen he gone or away from you. i lubit!!!

The toxin black and oozy
Pouring through my vein,
then reaching to my lungs,
and ending in my brain.

^oh wow this was just amazing. your words pefect flow realie good. and very imaginie. nice.. i wouldnt change a part here

Spreading in my body
No antidote subsists,
Slowly killing consummately
That I can not resist.

^sounds like a drug right here. and love as well.

Commencing with convulsions
my heart's speed no more in place,
some sudor weeping down
due the fire in my face.

^hmm.... sorta lost me here. im thinkin whatcha tryin to say .

Dampened by the venom
taking all control of me,
soon belonging to the bygone
when my soul has become free.

^nice once again nice choice in words.

Once full of lover's passion
A black mark left on my lips,
Lips that he used to bend to,
To leave a little kiss.

^awwww... lovely way of ending ur piece here. i love it!!!

Copyright 2009 D. Albert-Weiss

5/5
TaKe care,
Frenchy

Great poem, i really dug all the vivid wording my favorite stanza is:

The toxin black and oozy
Pouring through my vein,
then reaching to my lungs,
and ending in my brain

the way you decribe the affects of
the poison in this whole poem is breath taking.

AMAZING poem! That is the only thing that I have to say, this one went straight to my heart! 5/5