Comments : I Needed Her..

  • 15 years ago

    by xToBeWithYoux

    I like it Rhys! This is very emotive, and it relates to so many people in the world. A few changes that possibly could be made:

    After 'expressing' I don't think you need the elipses (...)

    I would suggest adding some commas to break up the flow a bit, give the reader a chance to catch their breath :)

    The last stanza is very good, the contrast of happiness and sorrow. I don't think the last line needs a 'just' in it, but it's your poem :)

    Overall, a very good poem with some strong emotions, obviously from the heart. If I were you, I would read over it, possibly tweak it here and there, make it just how it can be perfect for you.

    This gets a five from me :)

    *hugs*
    Emily :)

  • 15 years ago

    by JustKristina

    Good work! I kinda like the elipses. . it shows how after each thing, your thoughts trail off, you move on to a new thought. I also like the short sentence structures, it show's the urgency. I think though, that the ending could be more powerful. With just a little bit of tweaking, this could be a freaking fantastic poem! :]

    Keep it up!

  • 15 years ago

    by pceluvr4hapenes

    It was short and sweet- i really liked it :]
    5/5 from me
    its so heartfelt and nice.
    just really amazing :]