Unanswered Questions

There are so many questions,
that I would like to ask God above.
Some that are filled with anger
and some that are filled with love.

I'd like to ask him why
I feel the way I do.
Never feeling good enough,
instead always feeling used.

I'd like to ask him why
he blessed me the way he did.
Only blessing me now,
instead of when I was a kid.

I wonder what he would say,
if I brought up my sad, sad past.
Why my mom did what she did,
and why her fists came at me so fast.

I'd like to know a simple fact
why it only happened to me.
Why she didn't attack anyone else
or better yet, why she didn't leave me be.

I'd like to know what he thought
the first time he saw what I did.
The stupid action that I took,
along with the scars I always hid.

I wonder if he has forgiven me
for all those stupid nights.
Every single time I shouted a word
that caused a great big fight.

What did he think when he looked down on me
every night that I cried.
The nights I sit up all alone
wishing I could have died.

What did he think when he saw the blood
bleeding from my arms
I wonder if I was forgiven
for creating my own self harm.

I wonder if he's proud
that I am trying really hard.
To trust people a little better
and attempt to let down my guard.

I'd like to know if he knows
that I am grateful for everything I have.
That I want to thank him every night
for giving me the will to fight.

For not making me a weak little girl
who can't take care of herself.
Who has control over her emotions
and feelings she's already felt.

I thank him for everything
that he so gracefully let me recieve.
And for giving me a mind
that let's me believe in only what I believe.